


Stairway to Heaven

by xxenjoy



Series: Fall From Grace [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas POV, F/M, Fallen Angels, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Semi AU, Sequel, Wingfic, fallen!cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:46:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2156208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He took a deep breath and pressed his forehead to his knees, trying to think of any of the songs Dean had sung in their time together, but his thoughts were too scattered to focus. It had been almost eight months - that's one thing Castiel had actually kept track of - eight months since he had said goodbye to the Winchesters and to the one person he couldn't stand the thought of being separated from. And yet, there he was, curled in on himself, alone in a dark room with him family scattered around just on the other side of the wall, but no Dean.</p><p>---</p><p>Sequel to If I Should Fall From Grace</p><p>|| updating Sundays<br/><b> on hiatus until further notice</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! Sorry it took me so long to get this out, I've been moving and starting work and readjusting and whatnot (read: I've been lazy, I'm sorry!). I'll be updating on Sundays again, but I'm at a new job and in a different country, so the timing is going to be super wonky. Sorry about that too <3
> 
> The characters and tags will probably update as I update because despite having everything plotted out, I'm not 100% on details yet.

Castiel woke up in a panic, shaking and panting. His eyes darted back and forth instinctively, searching for any familiarity in the dark until his eyes adjusted and he recognized the dull grey walls around him. His body felt like it was on fire, dripping in sweat despite the cool air in the room. It couldn't have been very late, and he had to slow his breathing lest someone hear him and come to check on him. Using all the effort he could muster, he shifted back so he was leaning somewhat comfortably against the wall, closing his eyes and focusing all his thoughts on calming himself down. 

He was used to the nightmares by now, they'd been occurring consistently for months now, waking him up at all hours of the night and leaving him exhausted and irritable during the day. He got little sleep, throwing himself completely into anything he could find to do to keep the memory of his dreams at bay, only to wear himself out in preparation for another near-sleepless night. The only relief he felt was that no one saw him this way, panicking and disoriented in the middle of the night. He slept alone for exactly that reason, and only Gabriel seemed to have any idea of his suffering, though he kept quiet about it and didn't bother him about it. He did, however, hover just a little bit closer than strictly necessary, but Castiel never complained about it. 

He took a deep breath and pressed his forehead to his knees, trying to think of any of the songs Dean had sung in their time together, but his thoughts were too scattered to focus. It had been almost eight months - that's one thing Castiel had actually kept track of - eight months since he had said goodbye to the Winchesters and to the one person he couldn't stand the thought of being separated from. And yet, there he was, curled in on himself, alone in a dark room with him family scattered around just on the other side of the wall, but no Dean. 

He reminded himself that Gabriel and Michael would be back in a few days, that when they got back, they could continue their discussion about getting home. Once he was home - once _they_ were home - Castiel could go back to his routine, and he wouldn't have time to be concerned about anything else. 

Bits and pieces of the dream came back to him and he tried and failed to push them aside, before tugging his jacket tighter around himself and curling back up on the floor, pulling his wings up over his head.

\- - -

When Castiel awoke again, he could hear the others moving around outside. It sounded like something was going on out there, and he was almost tempted to go out and inspect for himself, if Gabriel and the others had returned early - unlikely - it wouldn't mean anything good. However, no one had come to wake him up, so he dismissed that theory, pulled himself into a sitting position, and gathered up the few articles of clothing he'd been using as a pillow. He listened to the sounds outside, trying to mentally plan his day while he re-packed his small duffel bag as he did every morning. Castiel only realized all sounds outside his room had stopped just seconds before the knock came on the door.

He pushed himself up off the floor, leaving the bag in its place and crossed the small space to the door. When he opened it, he was greeted with usually stiff features pulled up into a pleased smile and he narrowed his eyes questioningly.

"Gadreel, what-" Before he could finish his question, the angel stepped aside, lowering his wings to reveal the two men standing behind him. Castiel's jaw nearly dropped. He had to focus to keep his expression even, torn between desperate excitement, relief and fury. 

Sam and Dean Winchester stood before him, wearing identical expressions of something not dissimilar to fear. Sam shrugged and tried a smile, opening his mouth as if to say something, but he stopped himself and glanced down at the floor. Behind him, Dean didn't seem capable of doing much more than staring, the corner of his lip twitching anxiously. Gadreel spoke for them. 

"I will leave you," he glanced over at Castiel, "I'm sure you have much to talk about."

Castiel nodded, waiting until Gadreel was gone to even release the breath he was holding. Dean was there. Dean shouldn't be there, he should be back hunting with his brother, he should be far away where he wouldn't muddle Castiel's already confusing thoughts. Where he could move on and live a normal life - or as normal as was possible for a man who hunted the supernatural. 

When Castiel looked up, the only thing that proved to him that he wasn't still dreaming was the look on Dean's face, caught somewhere between emotions. He looked okay - little relieved maybe, and definitely conflicted, but completely unharmed, the terror and pain that marred his face in Castiel's dreams only a dark memory. 

Castiel closed his eyes, torn between relief and a confusing kind of disappointment as he resisted the urge to run into Dean's arms, or bundle him up into his own. He knew that he couldn't do either, he had made his decision; he had to go home and he couldn't risk anything distracting him and he knew first hand how distracting Dean could be. His first instinct was to tell them to go before his resolve broke, but Sam spoke before he had a chance, drawing Castiel out of his thoughts and back into the present. 

"Should I... go?"

"No," Castiel and Dean answered simultaneously and Sam just nodded silently, not even looking at either one of them. This was even more frustrating than before; telling Sam not to leave was the opposite of what he wanted, but being alone with Dean would be worse still.

He tried to be angry, to convince himself that they were ruining everything by being there, but he knew that wasn't true. He liked to think he knew the Winchesters well, and neither would sabotage his plans for any reason; they _wanted_ him to get home. A small sound, unintentional and unwanted escaped his lips, and he dropped his chin and closed his eyes with a sigh. He heard the footsteps and looked up to find Dean barely two feet away, one arm outstretched like he wanted to touch him but thought better of it at the last second.

"Cas?" The smallest smile crept, unbidden, onto Castiel's face and his breathing relaxed.

"I'm fine," he breathed. Then regaining control of his own thoughts, "how did you find us?"

Dean's arm fell back to his side and he shrugged, "there were signs," he said softly, almost defeatedly. Castiel just caught Sam's movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced back at him. Judging by the younger Winchester's expression, he and Castiel had just come to the same realization - Dean had been _trying_ to find him.  
Nothing major," Dean added, as if to ease the uncomfortable silence, "nothing you would be able to find unless you were, y'know, looking."

"Why were you looking Dean?"

"Bobby's got a friend," he started awkwardly, his voice stiff, "he heard about some weird shit going on, some sightings and whatnot and it sounded like you guys so I checked it out," he tilted his head back just slightly, mumbling an apology to Sam then looked back to Cas. "I wanted to know if you'd made it okay... obviously not." 

"We're getting there, Dean, but it hasn't been easy." His voice was a little harsh, overly defensive and Dean recoiled slightly. "You shouldn't be here."

Dean deliberated for a long moment before exhaling and muttering softly, "tell me you don't want me here and I'll go." Ad that was unfair. Dean knew he wouldn't tell him to go, and he was using it against him. 

Castiel scowled at him and his shoulders dropped, "Dean, don't."

"Let me help," he whispered, and it came out strained. Behind them, Sam cleared his throat bluntly and Castiel was relieved when Dean relaxed and turned back to his brother. 

Castiel's brain warred with itself, one half wanting to clean desperately to Dean's offer of help and the other reminding him how painful it was to leave Dean the first time and how much worse it would be if he let him stay again. 

Eventually, he stepped forward and rested a hand on Dean's right shoulder, carefully avoiding the left where he knew his handprint was burned into the skin. Dean spun around immediately, and for a second, Castiel thought his heart had stopped, before Dean spoke again, effectively ending his argument with Sam. 

"What?" he sighed. 

"If you want to help, I'll have to talk to Michael." They weren't the words he'd meant to say, but when Dean had to force back a grin, he couldn't regret them. The entire mood felt lighter as Dean turned around to face him. 

"Michael as in archangel Michael?"

"My brother, yes. We make all of our decisions together." At the emphasis on the word _together_ , Dean's eyebrows raised.

"So you're in charge now, huh?" 

"Jointly, yes."

"So you're the boss," Dean smirked at him, "that's kinda hot, Cas." And just like that, the emotional wall was up, and Castiel sighed. At least it was better than if he let Dean get close again, he reminded himself.

"Michel, Gabriel and I try to keep organization, and Balthazar is helping us with the spell-"

"What spell?" Sam interrupted, finally uncrossing his arms and stepping up to stand beside Dean. 

"Hello, Sam," Castiel smiled and Sam chuckled lightly, shaking his head.

"Hey Cas."

"So," Dean butted in, "spell?"

"Right. Michael knows _of_ a spell to open a 'back door' or sorts, to Heaven, but we've yet to find out anything about it." Sam and Dean pulled up matching frowns, but Dean was the one who spoke.

"He only knows _of_ it?" he asked incredulously.

"Dean, do you have any idea the infinite knowledge we carry as angels?" when the hunter returned a blank stare, Castiel continued, "you couldn't possibly comprehend it. I used to remember the earth before human kind existed, I remembered watching the first creatures crawl up onto the beach and I remembered the rise and fall of the dinosaurs like it was a second ago. Now? Now we have human minds and I can barely remember what happened three months ago. The knowledge we have is limited, and unless it was of great importance, it's gone now, pushed aside in favour of more urgent information."

"Okay," Dean said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world, "we've got to figure out what this spell is then."

"We don't do anything until Michael and Gabriel get back," Castiel corrected.

" _I_ don't do anything until I talk to Amelia," Sam added, looking pointedly at Dean, "especially seeing as I told her I'd be back in a few hours."

"Yes okay, okay, I led you here under false pretences, you're pissed. I get it." Dean rolled his eyes and looked to Castiel for sympathy. Getting nothing more than a slight smile and a shrug, he sighed, "so when are we expecting Gabe and Mike back?"

"Two days," Castiel replied matter-of-factly, "we have set rotations for the search parties so we know if someone doesn't come back on time, they're in trouble."

"Two days?" Sam asked, "what are we supposed to do for two days?" 

Castiel weighed the options before carefully replying "you're welcome to stay here," cautiously, "it's not particularly comfortable, but we've warded against danger." Sam shook his head, and it looked like he was about to decline the offer when Dean piped up again.

"So, you're allowed to make decisions like that on your own?" he smirked.

"We're allowed to make minor decisions, or emergency decisions, Dean. You are obviously not a danger to us, but the others may not take kindly to outside assistance. Helpful as I know you can be," he added quietly.

"Either way Cas, we can't stay." Castiel looked up to Sam, ready to agree when Dean cut him off, with an annoyed grunt.

" _He_ can't stay," Dean corrected, "I'm okay, I don't have a pregnant girlfriend at home." His voice sounded teasing, but Castiel could see the pride in his expression when he glanced over at a now grinning Sam.

"Amelia is pregnant?" he asked.

"Yeah," Sam beamed, already pulling his wallet out of his back pocket and producing an odd looking black and white photo under Castiel's nose, "twenty-two weeks."

"This is your child?" Castiel asked, squinting at the photograph before handing it back to Sam. He nodded.

"Which is why I can't stay, although - despite Dean's less than truthful way off getting me here - I would love to help."

"I understand," Castiel grinned softly, but his stomach churned at the idea of Dean staying alone. If not having him was hard, seeing him right there in front of him and knowing that he no longer had any claim on him was torture. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have him so close only to lose him again. It seemed like an eternity before he was able to speak again.

"You're still welcome to stay, Dean. Unless you would rather come back with Sam."

"Dude, I've got nothing waiting for me back home, if you've got a bit of floor I can sleep on, I'd be happy to stay and help." Castiel withheld and grin and tried not to think about the way his heart swelled at Dean's words.

"Thank you."

"So uh," Sam said, "I'm gonna head back, you need anything from the car Dean?"

"Yeah, gimme a sec, Cas?" Castiel nodded and Dean grinned as he turned away, leaving Sam and Castiel alone in the room.

"It was good to see you again, Cas," he smiled softly.

"You too, Sam. I'll see you in two days?"

"You bet. Seeya." He smiled again before turning after his brother.

When they were both safely out of sight, the rusted metal door pushed shut behind them, Castiel sunk to the ground, crossing his legs and burying his face in his hands. He was so stupid, a complete idiot who was incapable of saying 'no, we don't need your help' because he was still so desperately in love with Dean. He didn't _want_ to turn him away, even knowing full well that it would only come back to haunt him later. 

Why couldn't he have run when he first saw them in the forest? None of his siblings were stupid enough to fall in love with a human, why did he? 

Of course, the second Dean returned to the room, peeking around the door before entering fully, all of his questions were answered. 

"Hey," Dean started, his voice softer and more sincere with Sam gone, "we had a couple extra blankets in the trunk, figured you could use them- you okay?"

"Yes," he lied, mustering up what he hoped looked like a genuine smile. "Thank you." 

Dean sat down next to him, just far enough away that it would have to be intentional for them to touch, and looked up at Castiel. 

"So how long have you been here?"

"Two months, roughly," Castiel replied, "but I would prefer if we didn't do this..."

"I'm not _doing_ anything," Dean replied gently, "I'm genuinely interested, Cas. I uh- anything I might need to know to help?" Castiel was sure that train of thought had diverted at the last second, but he was too much of a coward to ask about it. Instead, he proceeded to tell Dean about the months since their separation. 

There wasn't much to tell, really. They had travelled, and much like Dean had, followed any news they managed to hear about strange goings on and followed them, eventually leading them to Michael and his group of angels. They numbered in the low twenties now, and spent their time alternating between trying to find more of the fallen and doing anything and everything they could to open this back door without knowing the spell. Dean listened with a great interest, nodding and smiling whenever Castiel spoke of his siblings, and it was easy to remember how he had fallen in love with him in the first place. 

When Castiel finished, Dean recounted what he and Sam had been doing. Apparently they had found a home, a place Dean called the bunker and spoke highly of. The showers, and the bed, he emphasized, were amazing. Amelia was doing well, but she milked her pregnancy for all it was worth, asking Sam and Dean to do even the simplest tasks for her, but the way Dean spoke of it, neither of them minded much. They hunted still, though with the baby coming, most of the time Dean was out with other hunters and Sam stayed at home. Castiel couldn't help but notice the lack of anyone significant in Dean's life, and the jealous part of him clung to that information.

They sat on the stone floor and did nothing but talk until long after dark. At one point Gadreel returned to update Castiel on the food stocks they had built up, relaying that they would have to go on another hunt soon, and Dean was eager to offer his help.

When Castiel's eyes started to droop, Dean shoved one of the blankets into his arms and insisted he sleep. He hadn't thought about this part. He slept away from everyone else on purpose, and although Dean had witnessed his nightmares before, he had never been at the center of them, and that had been under very different circumstances. Still, the illogical part of his brain, that was clearly making all the decisions today, couldn't bear to kick him out, and so Castiel curled himself up in one corner of the room, pulling the blanket up under his wings and drawing the appendages over the rest of his body. 

Dean set up his makeshift bed a few feet away, and Castiel focused on how close he was, how he intentionally made his bed next to him. Apparently Dean caught him staring because he shrugged and smiled sheepishly. 

"Body heat, right?"

"Right," Castiel agreed, and then with a wince, "if I... wake up in the night, I'm fine." Dean stopped and stared hard at him for a moment, before his expression softened into something like sympathy.

"Still having nightmares?" he asked quietly.

"Worse than ever," Castiel admitted softly, choosing honesty over an awkward confession and apology later on.

"Sorry," Dean mumbled, as if he could have done anything about it, "that sucks."

"I agree," he said simply. "Goodnight, Dean."

"'Night, Cas."

Castiel's entire body tensed at the familiarity in those words and he wanted to simultaneously cry and cross the distance between them and kiss Dean until neither of them could breathe and they fell asleep tangled together. He did neither, only turned toward the wall and took a deep breath before closing his eyes. 

It was going to be a very long two days.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean mumbled something that sounded like 'you idiot' and before Castiel could respond, an arm was around his waist and pulling him down to the floor. He frowned and settled a little way away from Dean, his scowl only intensifying when Dean inched closer and pulled him forward again. 
> 
> "Dean, what are you doing?"
> 
> "It used to help you sleep," he muttered, and Castiel resolutely ignored the pang of sadness in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late guys! I was in Vancouver for Vancon this weekened and we didn't get home till late last night and my brain hasn't been able to focus on much since :P I would have posted it early, but I had no internet while I was away, so it's gonna have to be late. I promise to try and keep to schedule from now on :D

It was dark when Castiel woke up, jumping back at the grumbling shape next to him, before his mind caught up. He slumped against the wall - half relieved and half more anxious than he had been about the dream - and threw the blanket off him to reduce the heat, sweat already dripping down his neck. He didn't realize his eyes were squeezed shut until a hand pressed to his shoulder and he jolted forward again.

"Hey. _Hey_." Dean's fingers curled around his arm, his thumb rubbing slow circles into his skin. "Cas hey, I'm here, you're okay." For a moment Castiel leaned into the embrace, letting the firm warmth of Dean's arms steady him briefly before Dean tugged him closer and he pulled away abruptly. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, but Dean let him go, settling back in the mess of his blankets and watching Castiel closely. 

"You okay?" he asked quietly, cocking an eyebrow, "you looked a little freaked."

"Fine," Castiel murmured, pulling his blanket defensively around his knees. A flicker of emotion passed over Dean's face, but Castiel couldn't afford to dwell on it, "go back to sleep, Dean."

"You sure you're okay?" Castiel nodded and Dean eventually curled back into his blanket, rolling over so his back was to the wall. Castiel exhaled quietly, immensely regretting his decision to let Dean sleep here. He knew Dean well enough to know that he just wanted to help, but that didn't mean letting him sleep two feet away from him where Castiel could feel the heat radiating off of him. Despite the summer heat, he wanted to curl into Dean, to slide into his arms, wrap them both in his wings and never let go. 

And that was exactly the kind of thinking he had to stop. Returning to Heaven was going to be had enough after the freedom of his unstructured life on Earth, going back to a strict schedule was going to be much harder for him than the others, he suspected. And none of them were leaving people behind. 

"Cas, man, I can _hear_ you thinking. Just relax okay, try to sleep."

"I don't want to." The words came out a little too quickly and it sounded petulant, like a child, blaming Dean for the position he had put himself in. 

"You're afraid to," Dean said softly, realization dawning on his face. Castiel bit back a retort, turning instead so that he didn't have to face him. Dean mumbled something that sounded like 'you idiot' and before Castiel could respond, an arm was around his waist and pulling him down to the floor. He frowned and settled a little way away from Dean, his scowl only intensifying when Dean inched closer and pulled him forward again. 

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"It used to help you sleep," he muttered, and Castiel resolutely ignored the pang of sadness in his voice. 

"Oh," was the only thing he could think of to say, and he gave in, shifting closer until his forehead was pressed under Dean's chin. Dean pulled him closer and thankfully threw off the blanket so they didn't overheat - much. They were pressed together head to toe, Castiel's wings folded neatly behind him and he let himself relax into Dean, relishing every touch, every whispered 'I missed you' that he wasn't sure he was supposed to hear. It was exactly the opposite of what he was supposed to be doing, but as Dean's fingers tangled in his hair, he stopped thinking and let himself drift back to sleep in Dean's arms.

\- - -

In the morning, Dean was up first and gone by the time Castiel dragged himself up. It was like nothing had happened, and Castiel was both relieved and highly disappointed. He wasn't worried about the hunter, but he had to pretend that waking up alone didn't tug at his heart in all the wrong ways, which really, he shouldn't have to do.

He spent the morning as usual, making the rounds and ensuring everyone was doing well and had everything they needed. Dean met up with him again around midday and Castiel introduced him to the others. Many of them, unsurprisingly, recognized him from Gabriel's descriptions and although Castiel could feel heat creep up the back of his neck, Dean seemed unfazed. The others - some of the younger angels that Castiel was less familiar with - didn't seem to be comfortable with a human in their midst, despite Castiel's assurance that Dean was there to help, and that Gabriel and Balthazar would vouch for him. 

Dean spent the entire day with him, and when Castiel woke up in the early hours again the next morning, Dean sat with him for hours, not touching, just sitting across from him and talking, distracting him from the memory of his dreams. 

The following day was spent much the same as the previous, introductions aside, and by the evening Castiel was finally feeling at ease with Dean, despite the near-constant ache that wouldn't dissipate. He could be friendly, he decided, he and Dean could cooperate and he wouldn't let himself get attached again. When they found the door, when the angels went home, Castiel would go willingly and be thankful that he had met Dean at all. He was pleased with his decision, until he and Dean went to bed that night. 

"So," Dean started, settling down on his blanket, "Sam says he'll be up around noon tomorrow. It's a six hour drive, so-" he stopped himself mid-sentence and Castiel didn't know how to reply, so he just nodded. They fell silent again, but Castiel could feel Dean watching him as he lay down and tugged his blanket over himself. 

He was already half asleep, facing the wall and listening to the soft puffs of Dean's breath when the man spoke again, almost so softly that Castiel didn't hear him at first. 

"Are you happy, Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy? With the other angels, I mean."

"Yes," he lied instinctively, too used to the same question from his brothers. 

"You're a shitty liar, Cas."

Castiel paused before replying, carefully considering the pros and cons of telling Dean the truth. He didn't _like_ lying to Dean, he would prefer to be open and honest but that would only end entirely badly for him. Still, Dean had been nothing but good to him. He decided on a half-truth. 

"I thought I'd be happy having them all together again, but I'm not," he sighed, finishing the thought mentally. _I miss you, all the time._

"How come?" Castiel could have laughed if he wasn't so miserable about the whole idea. 

"It's just... not what I expected it to be."

"What did you expect it to be?"

"I don't know." Another half-truth. 

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad I got to see you again. Even if it is, y'know, a little weird."

"Me too," Castiel sighed, and this was one thing he could be truthful about. Despite the pain that he knew he would face in the end, he was happy to see Dean again.

\- - -

Sam showed up, as expected, just before noon and the angels had the same reaction to him that they had to Dean. Gadreel was the only one who was actively glad to see them, and Castiel suspected that had a lot to do with the fact that when he had first come to stay with them, Gadreel had been under Castiel's care.

In Heaven he had been a prisoner, and as such had been kept under strict surveillance, but he had since more than redeemed himself, the stigma attached to his name all but removed. Castiel had never thought much about it - as far as he was concerned, they were all on the same footing now and there was no point segregating anyone who was willing to cooperate. As Dean had put it, he and Sam had been arrested on multiple occasions but that didn't make them bad people. 

Michael, Gabriel and Balthazar returned at the same time, as their rotation dictated. Castiel was sitting with the Winchesters and Gadreel at the time, discussing what options they would have if Michael and Gabriel agreed to let Sam and Dean help. When he heard the sound of their arrival, Castiel excused himself from the group, heading out into the main room of the factory where four, not three angels were standing, a few others gathered around in interest. The addition to their group didn't seem to be there willingly, but Castiel's attention was diverted from him when Gabriel came up, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"How's it going bro? Anything fun happen when we were gone?" He asked the same question, without fail, every time he returned, but Castiel overcompensated in his attempt to remain casual, and Gabriel caught on immediately. 

"Oh," he cocked an eyebrow, "you got a story to share, Cassie?"

Castiel exhaled slowly and leaned into his brother's shoulder subtly, "Dean is here." Judging by the look on Gabriel's face, Castiel was lucky he hadn't shouted it out to the entire room by now.

"Who's where now?" Gabriel cocked an eyebrow.

"I know," Castiel sighed, "he and Sam showed up two days ago. Dean has been here since, Sam just came back today. They want to help." 

"Of course they do, Cas. He's not gonna stop caring about you just because you left." Castiel winced at the word choice and Gabriel frowned apologetically. "You gonna bring 'em out to meet Mike?"

"I'm going to have to," Castiel sighed, "when Dean says he wants to help, he tends to have an idea in mind and Michael won't agree unless we _all_ talk to him first. He's going to want to meet Dean. And Sam," he added as an afterthought. 

"Don't sweat it kid, Mike knows we need help and he's not above accepting it, especially from a friend." When Castiel just breathed a heavier sigh, Gabriel added, "he knows about Dean, he'll agree to whatever you want to do."

"Do you think so?"

"'Course Bro, but hey! you and Deano again, huh?"

"Who did Michael bring back that he won't let out of his sight?" Castiel asked, relived when Gabriel allowed his blatant change of subject.

"Virgil. Dad's weapons guy. Apparently he fell with the second group of angels and Michael thinks he might've been working with Metadouche."

Castiel frowned, "what is he going to do with him?"

"Keep him alone with a guard. Hannah or Uriel probably, if you're busy with loverboy and the moose."

"All I'm going to be doing is trying to get home," he mumbled, "Dean and I- I made my choice." Castiel forced a small smile and nodded toward Michael, "shall we?"

"No time like the present." Gabriel physically turned him toward where Michael and Virgil were arguing in hushed voices. 

"Castiel," Michael exclaimed fondly, all but pushing Virgil out of his way to face Castiel. He looked like he was trying to find a way out, and Castiel went along with it. 

"Hello, Michael."

"Can I-"

"Ah ah ah," Gabriel interrupted, "no favours, Cassie has company." He grinned, pleased with himself, at Castiel and Michael raised an eyebrow just slightly. 

"The Winchesters?" Michael asked, turning his attention back to Gabriel. 

"They're here to help," Castiel offered hopefully, shrinking a little under Michael's unreadable gaze. 

"I assumed, but we can have a proper discussion tomorrow, Castiel," he smiled fondly, but his expression faded as soon as it turned back on his unwilling companion, "for now I have to get Virgil to his room." Castiel didn't have to ask which room would be Virgil's. It would be the same that Gadreel stayed in, the same room he himself had stayed in for weeks as a guard.

"Of course," he agreed.

"Do you and your friends need a place to sleep?"

"No, we're comfortable in my room." 

Michael quirked an eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything more, offering Castiel only a quick nod before turning away. Castiel watched after his brother as Michael tugged Virgil after him none too gently. The shouting started almost immediately as Michael touched him, curses and vague explanations growled in angry Enochian. Gabriel spun around and headed in the opposite direction and Castiel followed his lead, passing the few who were still gathered to return to Sam and Dean. 

The brothers were drawing grids in the dust when he returned, apparently playing some sort of game, but they both looked up as Castiel joined hem. 

"Someone sounds pissed," Dean commented, and Castiel nodded his confirmation.

"Virgil. Michael doesn't know if we can trust him, so he's being guarded until we know if he's being honest about his intentions."

"Taking prisoners now, huh? So much for working together." Dean winked and Sam rolled his eyes, but Castiel couldn't help the way his lips twitched into a half smile. "So Michael's the big boss, huh?"

"As far an the angels go, yes. Though right now the hierarchy is of little importance; as I told you before we make the important decisions together." Dean smiled up at him and Castiel could have sworn he looked almost proud. "Which brings me to tomorrow," he continued, "Michael is going to want to meet you both so we can discuss how you could help."

"Do they not trust us?" Sam asked.

"Quite the opposite, I think," Castiel smiled, "After what they've been told, I don't see how they couldn't. Gabriel's favourite story is how we found Balthazar, so most of the angels know about you from that alone. Some of us have first hand knowledge. The rest, I'm sure will be willing to accept help from anyone at this point, we just want to go home."

"So what's with the meeting then?"

"Michael is just being cautious."

"I guess I can understand that," Sam nodded and paused before continuing, "so all of that aside, how have things been for you Cas?" Castiel didn't miss the way Dean winced at the question, but he schooled his own features into something pleasant. 

"Things have been going well. Not as well as they were in the beginning, but we're not giving up." He didn't mention the nightmares, or how often he thought about Dean. Instead, he asked his own question, "how is Amelia?" At that, Sam's face broke into a wide grin and he launched into a story that - judging by the look on his face - Dean had heard way too many times. Still, the elder Winchester shuffled forward to listen. 

Castiel wasn't used to the brothers talking about _home_ every second word, and eventually his curiosity got the better of him.

"You keep saying home," he commented casually, "but I thought you travelled?"

"We still do," Sam replied, but Dean cut him off with a "but-" and Sam sat back, letting Dean take over the story. 

"There's these guys called the Men of Letters, or there were, there's none left anymore but our Grandpa was one of 'em apparently. Anyway these guys had this bunker, this huge badass thing full of any and all information on the supernatural. So by a series of weird-as-fuck events, Sammy and I ended up with the only key to the place."

"And you've been living there?"

"Four about three months now, yeah. Dude, it's awesome. I've got a kitchen, and the garage-" he closed his eyes and sighed happily, "the cars man, I mean they're nothing like Baby, but _damn _. Bikes too."__

__Castiel listened closely as Dean gave him a verbal tour of the building, detailing his favourite rooms. The kitchen, he learned, was Dean's favourite room, along with the shower room - due entirely, he was sure, to the apparently fantastic water pressure - his bedroom and a storage room come living area he and Sam had put together._ _

__"And seriously, the bed? like nothing I've ever slept on in my life, comfiest fucking thing ever, I swear. I don't want to get up most mornings," he chuckled softly before adding, "you'd love it, Cas," the words catching in his throat as he realized what he'd said._ _

__They were all silent for a moment as Dean stumbled over his words before mumbling out an awkward apology. Castiel was about to reply, still looking down at his lap, when Sam interrupted. For a second he didn't even realize what the man had said, too caught up in forcing the welling emotion back down to where it couldn't affect him, until Dean responded to his brother._ _

__"Y'know, if Michael's cool with it, we could take the angels there. The Bunker, I mean." Castiel looked up at Dean, still not meeting his eyes, and the man continued, "Sam's got a point. It's warmer, we've got food, I'm sure no one would say no to guaranteed protection - the place is warded against everything known to man."_ _

__"It's a nice thought, but how would we get there? We can't exactly travel out in the open."_ _

__"Easy," Sam put in, "we rent a moving truck. It won't be the most comfortable trip, but no one'll question us crossing state lines and we can get everyone across secretly and all at once."_ _

__Castiel mulled the idea over in his mind, weighing the thought of warmth and food and protection against being in such close quarters with Dean. It was difficult, but in the end he knew which he had to choose. He couldn't put his own desires ahead of everyone else's._ _

__"I'll ask Michael and Gabriel tomorrow, they may want to discuss it with everyone before a final decision is made, it is a big decision."_ _

__"Of course," Sam insisted, but Dean looked a little put out that anyone might not want his hospitality._ _

__"I think it's a good idea," Castiel added, hoping his reservations didn't bleed into his voice. "If you're going to help us, it would be much easier to have everyone together, and I wouldn't expect you to stay here where we have so little to offer. We don't even have proper beds."_ _

__"We don't mind Cas," Dean piped up. He was still swirling his finger in the dust, but he looked up when Castiel glanced at him._ _

__"Speaking of which, I'm gonna try and sleep now, long drive up and all," Sam said, already moving to where he'd tossed a blanket down on his arrival. Dean and Castiel said their goodnights and moved back to where they had slept the night before to give Sam his space. They were quiet for a while, just sitting in the dark without Sam as a buffer, but eventually Castiel broke the uncomfortable silence._ _

__"Michael is probably going to ask about us, as well," he mumbled, just loud enough for Dean to hear._ _

__"Is that a problem?"_ _

__"Not unless you're not comfortable with it."_ _

__"I'm fine, Cas. I don't regret what happened, so I've got no reason to not wanna talk about it. If Michael wants to know, I'll tell him as long as it's not too personal."_ _

__"I'm glad." He wasn't sure if he was talking about Dean's cooperation, or that fact that he didn't regret what they had had, but either way his shoulders felt lighter as he turned toward his bed. "I think I'm going to sleep now, too."_ _

__"Yeah," Dean agreed, "good idea."_ _

__As Castiel said goodnight and pulled his borrowed blanket up over his shoulder, he couldn't help but notice how much further away Dean slept with Sam in the room._ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't until he was alone, sitting back in his own room, that Castiel remembered the little black phone that was tucked away in the corner of the room where he slept. He pulled it out, frowning at the now dark, blank screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the mess that is my posting schedule. My shifts at work are wonky and I keep forgetting what day it is XD

It was early evening before Gabriel came to find Castiel and the Winchesters, informing them that Michael wanted to talk to them. Castiel thought it sounded very formal and foreboding, but Gabriel was grinning casually, and he allowed him to lead them out into the field outside the factory. Michael was waiting for them, an almost bored expression on his face until they approached.

"So you're Dean?" he smiled, completely bypassing Sam and Castiel on his way to see the elder Winchester. Dean looked anxiously between Michael and Castiel before nodding. "Castiel has told me so little about you," Michael continued, shooting Castiel a pointed look, "it seems I have to reply on Gabriel and Balthazar for information."

"It was irrelevant," Castiel insisted, but Michael smiled.

"I'm not placing blame, I'm just stating a fact," his attention turned back to Dean, "I hear I have you and your brother to thank for all their lives."

"Uh," Dean shifted uncomfortably, as if Michael was actually holding him with his gaze, "not really. Cas is pretty self-sufficient and we had a lot of help."

"Still, you've helped in the past, and Castiel says you want to help again."

Dean perked up at that, standing a little straighter and meeting Michael's eyes, "we do. If there's any way we can help Cas- all of you, tell me." 

Michael's lips curled into a grin, and he turned to Gabriel, "you weren't kidding when you said he was serious." Gabriel shook his head, a small almost sad smile on his face. "Alright Dean- and Sam, is it?" he turned to the other man at last, and gestured for him to come closer. "How do you expect to help?"

Castiel frowned silently at his brother. Michael sounded a little too rude for someone who was being offered help at no expense, but Castiel kept his mouth shut. Dean's expression mirrored his, but Castiel was relieved to find he had the good sense to stay quiet as well. 

"We have books," Sam spoke up, "hundreds of books on everything you can imagine, an entire library on mythology, biblical and otherwise. We have information that other people- that _you_ don't."

"And we have Bobby," Dean added, "he's a grumpy old bastard but he knows more 'n anyone I've ever met."

"Judging by your response, I take it you know about the spell?" Michael asked. Both brothers kept quiet, but Castiel answered for them. 

"I told them about it," he admitted, "not in detail, but they know what it does."

"And you think you have information about it?" 

"If we don't, Bobby will," Sam replied. Michael smiled, and Castiel wondered if he was putting Sam and Dean through some sort of test.

"And," Dean started a little less assured, "we have somewhere you could stay." When Michael raised an eyebrow, intrigued, Dean continued. "It's heated and we have food and beds. It's gotta be a hell of a lot more comfortable than holing up in an abandoned factory, even in the summer."

"Where is this place?" Gabriel butted in, crossing over and glancing at Michael with a look of approval.

"Lebanon," Dean admitted, "it's a long trip, and it won't exactly be comfortable, but it'll be worth it once we get there, even if it is a little more crowded." He looked to the side and Castiel grinned encouragingly at him. 

"It's warded," Sam put in, "total protection from everything supernatural, and there's only one key to get in and out."

"Safest place on earth," Dean grinned, looking a little more certain with his brother's help.

"Well," Michael turned on Gabriel and Castiel, "I'm sure you two are more than willing to accept their help, yes?" Castiel nodded, and was relieved to see Gabriel's head bob out of the corner of his eye. Michaels' hard expression softened and he smiled at the Winchesters, "thank you, for your offer. When do you think we can leave here by?"

"Tomorrow," Dean beamed, "as long as Sammy here doesn't mind waking up bright and early to pick up the truck."

\- - -

Sam and Dean left shortly after their brief meeting with Michael. Castiel was there to say goodbye before he and Gabriel were supposed to talk to the rest of the angels - Michael and Balthazar had left almost immediately after the meeting to start preparations. Dean was leaning casually against his car, discussing the plans for the moving truck with Sam, when Castiel found them. Dean barely had a chance to let him know when they would be back before Sam was physically pulling him into the car.

He waited until the car was entire out of the sight, the engine just a low rumble in the distance before he turned away with a sigh and sought out Anna for the first time since Sam and Dean had arrived. 

She was in one of the rooms off to the side of the main hall when Castiel found her, clearing away the dead vegetation that had recently been a makeshift bed. 

"I wouldn't bother with that," he said simply, crossing to sit in front of her. Anna looked up, her small smile laced with faint confusion. 

"Why not?" she asked, then added "where have you been the past few days?"

"That's what I'm here to talk to you about," he said, pushing back the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. When Anna didn't respond other than meeting his gaze with curiosity, he continued, "we're leaving here tomorrow, and Michael found Virgil and brought him back, though he doesn't trust him."

"I heard," Anna replied calmly, "but I don't understand why we're leaving, this place isn't perfect, but it's a lot better than wandering aimlessly and trying to keep out of sight."

"We have a destination in mind," was all he said.

"You're being cryptic, Castiel, tell me what's going on."

"I've found somewhere we can stay, somewhere where we're protected and there's no threat of being discovered."

"And Michael and Gabriel have seen this place?"

"No," he admitted, "and neither have I, but-"

"Castiel," she cut him off softly, coming forward to place a gentle hand on the side of his face. "Something's bothering you."

"No," he denied immediately, barely forcing himself not to pull away from her, "I'm fine."

"Is there something wrong with this place? If none of you have seen it, how do you know it's safe?"

Castiel sighed. That was exactly what he had been worried about. Michael and Gabriel may trust him enough to take his - and Dean's - word that the bunker is safe and protected, but how would the other angels feel knowing that none of their leaders had so much as visited this place they were taking them to live? 

"I'm no leader," he sighed again. Anna chuckled and tilted his chin up to face her.

"You're a brilliant leader, Castiel."

"I'm not. I have to convince everyone to blindly follow me when I have no proof other than my own instincts that tell me this place is safe, that Dean wouldn't lie to me."

"Then start with convincing me, Cas." Apparently his announcement of Dean's involvement didn't faze her in the least, "what do _you_ know." 

Castiel inhaled slowly, recounting what Sam and Dean had told him about the bunker, sifting through the information and relaying what was important to Anna. It was warm, it was secure, there was information and there was food. He didn't mention his own desire to be as close to Dean as he could for as long as he could, assuming that would probably be a negative point considering their mission was to get _home_ not get further attached to the idea of staying.

"You're worried they're not going to want to leave?"

"Of course they're not," Castiel mumbled, "we were all so relieve when we found this place and we could stop moving, how do you think they're going to feel."

"Just tell them what you told me, what Dean told you. If Michael's behind you on this, they're not going to argue."

"I hope not," he groaned, pushing himself up, feeling less than assured by his sister's insistence. Castiel vaguely heard her wish him luck as he left the room to help Gabriel get everyone gathered together. 

He managed to stay calm until the angels were gathered together, and he was standing in front of them, Gabriel at his side. Perplexed faces looking up at him expectantly, and he wished more than anything that he could switch places with Michael. He would be more than willing to question Virgil about his allegiances if Michael would only explain to the rest of them where and why they were going. Unfortunately, he had to do this and eventually, he realized, he was going to have to say something. 

"We're moving," was the blunt announcement that came out of his mouth, earning him a rough nudge from Gabriel and a dozen blank looks from the other angels. They stayed quiet until Castiel caught Anna's encouraging smile from the crowd, grounding him again. He continued. "I - we - have friends who have a safe place for us to stay." 

When the angels started to question their reasoning, Castiel shot Gabriel a helpless glance and Gabriel stepped forward.

"Michael believes this is the best option," he said simply, "Castiel and I agree. Sam and Dean Winchester will be back tomorrow to take us there, and anyone who doesn't agree can stay." He looked out at the group gathered before them, and Castiel thought maybe that was a bit harsh, but most heads were nodding. Probably because Gabriel mentioned Michael, and most of them were willing to blinding follow Michael into the depths of hell if it meant getting home.

"I know the Winchesters," Gabriel continued softly, "Castiel and I lived with them before and I can guarantee you, wherever they are taking us, it's a thousand times better than what we've got here."

\- - -

It wasn't until he was alone, sitting back in his own room, that Castiel remembered the little black phone that was tucked away in the corner of the room where he slept. He pulled it out, frowning at the now dark, blank screen. The battery hadn't lasted long after he'd left the cabin, but he couldn't forget the first few days that followed, when Dean had sent him messages every so often. They hadn't been long, just short brief things that made Castiel's heart ache to the point where he was almost glad when the screen had gone dark and refused to light up again. He would have charged it, if there had been somewhere to do so, but instead he had settled for pouring over the images in his photo album for hours. Castiel pulled that out next.

He traced his fingers over the pictures, resolutely ignoring the tightness of his chest and the stinging behind his eyes. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed Dean. After he had left the first time, Castiel had thrown himself into getting home and forced himself not to think of the people he had left behind, and after they had left today, he had been preoccupied with worrying about the bunker and how he was going to tell the others. 

Now, however, he was alone and all too conscious of the silence in the air, the complete lack of company. He would gladly have Dean back next to him, even knowing he couldn't touch him. It would be better than this. 

Groaning, he pushed the album and phone away from himself, leaning back against the wall and dropping his head back until it thudded against the stone wall. His eyes fell shut and he sighed, recalling Dean's presence, heavy and warm beside him.

He wanted it again, wanted to feel the damp heat of Dean's breath on his skin, the soft whisper of his voice in his ear. He wanted to reach out and touch Dean, to taste him, to feel all of him. The mental images tumbled through his brain, sending a wave of heat rolling through him. Castiel groaned softly, tilting his head back against the wall as his hips just barely lifted. He had forgotten the urgency of arousal, constantly pushing it aside and forcing it out of his mind in favour of anything else. In the beginning, just after Dean left, he has given in every time, indulging in what little pleasure he could get. 

His hand grazed over his thigh, fingers splayed wide. He let his eyes drop shut, fingers pressing into the rough denim of his jeans. He _wanted_ in a way he hadn't for months, wanted to sink into Dean's warmth and take everything he was willing to offer. 

Taking a deep breath, Castiel dragged the tips of his fingers up his leg, just skirting the edge of his waist band. He popped the button on his jeans and slid the zipper down slowly, relieving a little of the pressure. His cock twitched at a particularly vivid memory, and Castiel's hand slid over the bulge in his jeans, palming at himself. Pleasure spiked through him as his fingers brushed bare skin, dipping under the thick layer of denim. 

He thought about Dean as his fingers curled around himself, Dean's face flushed with heat, lips red and swollen, eyes dark. A groan slipped out unbidden, and Castiel bit down on his bottom lip to keep quiet, even as he shoved his pants further out of the way. He brushed his fingers lightly up his length, imagining they were Dean's instead, teasing him before gripping him tight and drawing him into intense pleasure. He growled low and gripped himself tightly, bringing his fist up over the head.

It wasn't enough. Without hesitation, he shuffled onto his knees, kicking his jeans off completely as he leaned back against the wall, wings spread wide on either side of him. He pictured Dean's fingers running through them, sending shooting sparks of pleasure down to his already throbbing erection. His free hand slid down his stomach and under his cock to cup his balls, rolling them gently with his thumb. He groaned again and jerked his hips up, fucking into his hand. 

Everything fell away around him as he stroked himself, leaving him alone with his thoughts and memories, breath coming in soft pants as he worked himself toward the edge. He let his free hand drift further, pushing at the ring of muscle he had thus far ignored. It was better than expected, sending mini shockwaves through him that broke his rhythm and made his breath catch. His finger slid in easily and Castiel rolled his head back, pushing against the wall as he pressed into himself slowly, relishing the pleasant burn. 

The hand on his cock resumed its quick pace as he experimentally pressed a second finger to his rim. He wanted Dean doing this to him, Dean's fingers inside him as he touched himself. He could understand now, what Dean had enjoyed about it, why he had been so eager for _more_. Just the thought of something more than his fingers - of Dean's cock - inside him was enough to send him over the edge.

Castiel bit down on his already bruised lip to keep himself from crying out as he spilled over his bare stomach, legs shaking. He continued to stroke himself through the aftershocks, even as his body slumped back against the wall. His wings scraped against the concrete wall, but Castiel hardly noticed, his post-orgasm calm making even the idea of leaving Dean forever seem bearable. 

Once he had come back down, he wiped his stomach off with one hand, smearing the mess on the ground away from where he slept. He tugged his jeans up with some effort, tucking himself back in with a wince at the rough fabric against his cock. There was nothing to do inside, and he was still unfortunately wide awake, so Castiel tugged his coat over his shoulders and pushed himself up, making toward the door. 

Most of the angels slept in rooms off the main hall, so there were few for Castiel to skirt around, trying to keep his footsteps as soft as possible. Most of them were heavy sleepers, or so they seemed to be - Castiel had never woken them up with his nightmares. 

The night was cool but bright, stars shining down on the open area to guide his way as Castiel wandered around the building to the thin river that ran parallel to the back wall. He dipped his toes in before stripping out of his jeans, laying them with his jacket at the edge as he stepped in to his knees. The water was cold, but Castiel was covered in sweat and his own come and the prospect of gross discomfort outweighed his dislike of the cold any way he looked at it. 

He focused his mind away from the physical, trying to predict how the following day would play out. He mentally prepared himself, accounting for any inconsistencies, anything the Winchesters may have neglected to think of. The other angels, he knew, would not take kindly to a long drive, cooped up in the back of a strange vehicle, and Castiel just hoped that his faith - as well as Gabriel and Balthazar's - in the brothers would be enough to convince them once they found out exactly what the plan was. 

His arms fell to his sides in a heavy sigh and the resulting splash drew him out of his thoughts. Michael had agreed, he reminded himself, the others couldn't argue now. They may be equals on this plane, but none of them, not even Gabriel, would argue with Michael once he had decided on something, their programming was too strong. 

Castiel dragged himself out of the river as his toes began to lose feeling, regretting the fact that he didn't have a way to dry off. He sat on the bank, tugging his coat over his mostly-dry shoulders and turned his gaze on the water's surface, watching the way it steadily evened out where his movement had disrupted its flow. He sat silent for some time, just watching as he let the air dry his skin. When the breeze picked up, he pulled his wings in around him and struggled into his jeans despite his damp legs. 

All at once a heaviness settled over him and it seemed a great effort to stand up and walk back to his temporary bedroom, so he pulled his knees into his chest and rested his cheek against them, wings coming around to cover him wholly. It was only slightly colder outside than in, though he wished he had thought ahead to bring Dean's blanket with him. After everything, Castiel still preferred the outdoors, it was more like home - like _heaven_ , he corrected himself. Sometime in the past year, _home_ had shifted from hot sand and marble to soft green eyes and warm breath on the back on his neck.

Castiel sighed at the realization, but a small smile crept onto his face at the thought of Dean finding him out here. He would be angry, probably, but he would likely argue and complain until he ended up picking Castiel up and carrying him back inside, and that was something the angel would never argue with. Any excuse to be pressed against Dean was a good one. He wrapped his wings a little closer, mimicking the warmth he was missing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angels were gathered outside the factory, some sitting and some standing in the overgrown field, their few possessions packed and kept close when Sam and Dean returned, the sleek black car replaced by a hulking orange and white truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you guys who've stuck around to see part 2 actually become a thing! You guys are awesome I love you <3

Gabriel found him in the morning, frowning, obviously unimpressed that he'd had to search for him. Castiel had rolled onto his side during the night, the tip of one wing pinned underneath him and he groaned at the discomfort, then groaned again when Gabriel crouched down next to him, looking for all the world like he was ready to push Castiel in the river.

"You scared the crap outta me, you idiot. What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I fell asleep," Castiel mumbled, running a hand over his face, "I didn't mean to worry you."

Gabriel looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just frowned harder and dropped down next to Castiel, eyeing him suspiciously until Castiel sighed and turned to him.

"What is it, Gabriel?"

"Are you okay?" he asked, "I mean, are you really okay? This whole business with heaven and Dean and-" he cut himself off and met Castiel's gaze, "it's gonna be hard dragging you two apart again." The corner of Gabriel's mouth lifted in a smile, and Castiel's face mirrored it, although sadly.

"We will survive," he said, sounding a lot more sure of the fact than he felt, "I spent millenia without him, one year on earth isn't going to change me all that much." Gabriel let out a snort that blatantly said he disagreed, but he didn't comment further.

"Come on," he shook his head, putting a hand on Castiel's shoulder as he pushed himself off the ground, "loverboy'll be here soon, and Mikey wants to get all of this over as quickly and painlessly as possible."

"I agree with him there," Castiel said, accepting the hand Gabriel held out to help him up.

\- - -

The angels were gathered outside the factory, some sitting and some standing in the overgrown field, their few possessions packed and kept close when Sam and Dean returned, the sleek black car replaced by a hulking orange and white truck.

Castiel circled it, leaving the others to Michael's instruction, pretending to be simply curious rather than eager to see Dean. He could lie to everyone but himself as Dean stepped down from the driver's side door wearing a faint smile. He had to hold himself back from touching Dean, but that plan failed too when Dean closed the space between them, wrapping Castiel in a warm hug. He couldn't help the way his hands slid up Dean's back, but he stopped himself short before curling a hand into the man's hair as he fell into the comfort of Dean's arms. 

If anyone around could see them, they didn't mention it, but Dean huffed out a quiet laugh right next to Castiel's ear. 

"Jeez, Cas, I've only been gone overnight." His tone was joking, but it didn't stop him from squeezing a little tighter when Castiel made to pull away. 

Sam interrupted them, clearing his throat not so subtly despite the smile pulling at his lips. Castiel could feel the burn in his cheeks as he pulled away, turning away from the brothers and back toward where Michael and the others were. 

"Alright," Dean said, following him around to the gathered group "so here's how it's gonna work," and just like that Castiel's little fantasy world vanished in a puff of smoke and he was left standing amongst his brethren, facing down the reality that they were about to spend six hours in the back of a truck together. He didn't even remember them all gathering around the back of the truck, but Michael and Dean were speaking now, standing close and murmuring to each other to keep their conversation private. 

Sam was standing behind him, and Castiel nearly jumped when a warm hand rested on his shoulder. He turned to face the younger Winchester, noting the way his face fell slightly when he caught sight of Castiel, the encouragement in his expression staying firmly in place.

"You ready to do this?" he asked. Castiel nodded firmly and pulled up a grin. 

"I think so. Dean seems to know what he's doing and I trust you, I'm just - we're," he corrected, stumbling over the word, " we're not looking forward to the journey."

Dean came up to them a moment later, a look of happy anticipation of his face. He shot Sam a look and there was obviously something in it that Castiel missed because a second later Sam was gone and Dean was herding Castiel toward the front of the truck. 

"Michael's talking to them now, telling them how it's gonna go. Unfortunately, it's just one big space so it's gonna be a bit squishy, but we'll drive slow - no one's gonna think anything of it if we're in a giant moving truck so we don't have to worry about being stopped."

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, and I'm glad I'm not the one who has to do it," Castiel confessed, "talking to them, I mean. I'm still not sure they trust my association with you."

Dean chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder awkwardly as if he regretted the decision at the last moment but had no choice to follow through. "You gonna sit up front with us?"

Castiel shook his head, "I'd rather stay with them," he explained, "it's not fair for me to be singled out." 

Dean grinned wide, eyes closing as he shook his head, "yeah, alright Cas. We'll stop if we can, but either way it's gonna be pretty damn uncomfortable."

"I understand, we- you're doing the best you can in an awkward situation."

Dean huffed a laugh, "yeah, I guess. C'mon though, we should get everyone loaded up and get going."

"Right." 

They went around to the back of the vehicle and Sam immediately turned, giving his brother a questioning look that Dean just shook off. Castiel set their odd interaction aside as something to think of later and busied himself with organizing the others into a mostly-straight line. The piled into the truck calmly, Gabriel and Balthazar first to make sure everyone was spaced out enough so they could at least sit comfortably. 

Once everyone was settled in, they shifted slightly, spreading out to give each other room, and Dean kept the door open in one last attempt to get Castiel to sit up front with them. Still, Castiel refused and Dean smiled at him before he shut the door. 

It took a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the sudden blackness that was the moving truck, but eventually it settled and he could pick out familiar faces around him; Anna, Gabriel and Balthazar. 

The road was uneven, rocky and bumpy to the point where it made Castiel's stomach turn. It shouldn't have surprised him, given the distance between the factory and the rest of civilization, but he hadn't thought it would be this bad. He was wrong.

\- - -

Castiel's head ached and he felt worse than he could remember having felt in months. He tried to sleep, but Gabriel and Balthazar wouldn't let him, claiming that he had gotten them into this, and if they couldn't sleep, neither could he. He didn't argue, even smiling a little when Anna shot him a sympathetic look from the opposite side of the truck.

The restlessness was making him antsy, and every time he started to doze, Balthazar would flick at his cheek with the tip of his wing, cocking an eyebrow at his brother before pulling his wing back and settling himself back into a comfortable position. Castiel longed for the Impala. The leather seats and controlled air temperature seemed like heaven compared to the hard floors and hard walls of the moving truck, not to mention the dozens of bodies radiating heat in an enclosed space. In his experience, the smaller vehicle was definitely the better way to travel. 

He let out a sigh and straightened up against the wall, forcing himself into a position that would help him stay awake. Thinking back, he estimated they were somewhere between two and three hours into their journey; they had roughly the same amount of time left, maybe more. Needless to say, he wasn't looking forward to it. 

After what felt like another hour had passed, Castiel glanced around him, ensuring his siblings were fully asleep before dropping his head to Gabriel's shoulder. The archangel gave a grunt of displeasure and shifted beneath him, but he didn't wake up, and exhausted as he was, Castiel wouldn't have moved even if he had.

\- - -

When he woke up again, it was to Gabriel elbowing his impatiently in the ribs. Castiel groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes and flexing his wings. The truck was much brighter and cooler than it had been, and it took Castiel a minute to realize the door was open.

"Are we there?" he asked Gabriel. The archangel shook his head.

"Not yet, we're just taking a break. Your boys figured we'd like a chance to get up and stretch, so get off of me so we can go do that, huh?"

"Oh, right." Castiel pushed himself up from where he had slouched down against Gabriel and pushed himself to his knees so he could get up. 

His legs ached from lack of activity and his wings yearned to be stretched more than two feet. He stepped out into the sunlight to a rest stop similar to the one they had visited on their way to Huntsville to find Gabriel. Anna shortly joined them, fluttering her wings excitedly. Castiel knew how she felt about humans, about everything to do with them and the joy was visible now in her eyes. 

"I was talking to Sam," she beamed, "about the place we're going to. It sounds amazing, Castiel." He returned her smile, glancing just over her shoulder to where Sam was now talking to his brother. 

"I'm sure it will be," he replied, his own mood rising with Anna's excitement. "The Winchesters are wonderful hosts."

"I'm just hoping this new place has a decent shower," came Balthazar's voice as he sauntered over to them, leaning against Castiel's shoulder. 

"Apparently it's much better than the one at the cabin," Castiel smiled, "if what Dean says is anything to go by."

"Ah, brilliant, I'm looking forward to it after this."

"You'll have to wait your turn," Gabriel shot back, "I've gotta admit, I'm gonna miss a good hot shower when we get back upstairs." Castiel nodded his agreement and shrugged Balthazar off his shoulder as he went across the clearing to sit on the grass. He looked back up to his siblings, but they stayed standing so he spread his wings fully, angling them to catch the warmth of the sun. Some of the others were sitting too, talking amongst themselves, and they seemed pleased for the break from travelling. 

They stayed for half an hour or so and Castiel was content to bask in the sun's warmth, surrounded by his brothers and sisters. He didn't even realize he hadn't spoken to Sam or Dean until they were preparing to leave and the brothers came around the back of the truck, making sure everyone got back in okay. Castiel climbed in quickly, sitting back against the wall between Anna and Balthazar this time. He watched everyone else pile into the truck and noticed Dean do a quick double-check before turning back into the darkness. 

"Is everyone in?" he asked. A few moments of mumbling clarified that yes, everyone was in, so Dean pulled the door back down and the truck lurched forward only moments later.

\- - -

The sun was on the verge of setting when they stopped again, the sky painted pink and orange when the door pulled up. Castiel was relieved to be there finally, even though Sam was the one at the door, letting them out. In the last few hours, the angels had gotten irritable again, and it was far too warm in the truck.

Sam herded them quickly down a set of short cement steps and through a door to a balcony. They gathered there, spilling down the steps when space ran out. The room beneath them was bright and lined with machines Castiel didn't recognise and doorways into other rooms, or hallways, it was hard to tell from the angle. 

Dean came out from one of the doorways, followed by Amelia and an overly excited Charlie. The redhead was beaming up at them, eyes roving over the crowd, presumably looking for Castiel. When she spotted him, she shot a quick glance at Dean and beamed up at him, waving frantically. 

Castiel pushed his was carefully to the railing, looking over and waving back to her with a grin that he really couldn't help. Charlie's emotions seemed contagious, brightening the room whenever she entered. However, her arrival - and Amelia's, most likely - caused a slight disturbance amongst the gathered angels. They shifted around him, and Castiel realized they must not have been expecting anyone new to deal with.

He paused as his eyes passed over Amelia, taking in her swollen belly as she smiled up at him. Sam must be glad, he thought, to be starting his own family, and Dean would have a niece or nephew to take care of and Castiel knew how much he would love that. He knew Dean never expected to have his own children, and Sam's child would be a blessing for both of them, he just didn't understand why it hurt him to think that he himself would never see Sam and Amelia's child. 

There was still a part of him that wanted to stay, he knew that, but he hadn't realized there was more than just Dean that he wanted to stay for. He smiled down at Dean and Charlie and Amelia and realized that he loved all of them; the Winchesters and their little extended family. Returning home should be as exciting for him as it was for everyone else, but he was losing almost more than he was gaining in this situation. 

A rough clunking sound caught his attention and he turned away from their small greeting party and towards the entrance.

Pushing his way through the crowd and struggling to close the door behind them, Sam cleared his throat. He was standing next to Castiel when he finally spoke. 

"So, uh, this is Amelia-" she waved up at them and the angels strained to see over the railing, "-and Charlie. They're both friends of ours and they're here to help, so if you guys need anything at all feel free to ask them, or one of us." 

There was a general response of mumbling, mostly to each other, but the few angels who already knew the Winchesters were quiet. Sam led them down the stairs into the wide room and gestured toward the doorways. Charlie was at Castiel's side in a second, throwing her arms around him and squeezing him tightly. He almost missed what Sam was saying in his attempt to reply to her. 

"...down to the kitchen, and up into the library."

Castiel shot Charlie a confused look and she promised to give him a personal tour later so he wouldn't have to listen to Sam, and could instead hang out with her. She assured him she was much better company anyway. They tucked themselves away into a corner where they could talk without interrupting Sam's explanations, and Charlie immediately started in on a story about the past eight months. Castiel knew most of it from Dean already, but he was glad to have a different perspective. He was even more glad when Charlie insisted that Dean had been eager to go out and hunt for the angels at the first signs that they might still be around. 

"Yeah, as soon as he caught wind of the theories, he was out of here. Grabbed Sam and the car, made up some obviously bullshit story-" she rolled her eyes as if it was ridiculous that anyone could have possibly believed what Dean had told them "-and they were gone for six days. Sam came back with this story about finding you guys and now you're here! And damn, there's a lot of you."

Castiel smiled softly, "considering how many angels my father created, there are very few of us, though I suppose to someone who's never seen the whole Host, we must seem like a large group."

"Mmhm," she agreed, "so how long are you here for?"

Castiel considered that. He hadn't thought far enough to wonder how long they would be staying there, he had just gone along with what Dean had told him. "Until we can figure out how to get home, I suppose."

"Well I'm sure Dean's not gonna kick you out," she grinned at him again and raised an eyebrow, "how's that going anyway? Now that you're together again, I mean."

"We're not," Castiel clarified, ignoring the clench in his chest, "together. Not like that. Sam and Dean just offered their help, and anyone would be stupid to turn it down, especially seeing as we have been able to do so little on our own." Charlie winced.

"Sorry Cas, that sucks."

"It does," he agreed, "but there isn't much we can do about it. I'm still leaving, and Dean is still staying here. It won't work."

"Still," Charlie smiled apologetically and she let the topic drop. "So you've been okay since you left? Dean texted you a few times, but he never got a response, so we kinda thought you'd gotten home, obviously not."

"That's why we're here."

"Well I'm glad you are, Cas. It's good to see you again, even if the reason does kinda suck."

"You too, Charlie."

"So, you wanna grab Dean and I'll take you on a tour? Sam's gonna be busy with those guys for a while, and I can take you around more places so you can show the others if they need it."

"What about Amelia?"

"She'll probably just tag along with Sam, he's not gonna get that many of them around without losing one or two. She'll help keep them together."

"Alright," Castiel smiled. They waited until Sam had led the others down the hallway to the right - Amelia following behind - to collect Dean. Charlie grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him along, despite his protests. 

She led them through most of the rooms, but Dean took over in the few she didn't know - Charlie didn't live at the bunker, but according to the pair of them, she spent most of her time there anyway nowadays. Dean led them eagerly to the kitchen, practically dragging Castiel behind him as he explained away every appliance in the kitchen and how it was so much better than anything he'd ever used before. 

He was plainly excited, and he spoke about everything with such enthusiasm that Castiel didn't have the heart to tell him that they didn't want to be around long enough to have to use any of it. 

The garage was next and Dean pointed out each and every car and bike, noting which ones he liked the best and which ones he was letting Sam use because "really, I'm still not sure I want him driving Baby around without me." Castiel just rolled his eyes, and burst out laughing when he caught Charlie wearing the same expression. 

Their tour concluded back in what Dean and Charlie referred to as the 'map room'. Sam and the others hadn't made it back yet, and so they sat around the glowing table that gave the room its name. Dean smiled over at him and Charlie constantly glanced between them, looking overly pleased about something that Castiel was obviously not privy to. 

She only left for a minute to grab them drinks from the library, and as Castiel took a sip of his drink, he realized that this, this sitting around casually with Charlie and Dean was what he had been missing for the past eight months. This was the happiest he had been since leaving Dean.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There would be no Dean and Castiel, but for Castiel there would be nothing but Dean. He was created to be a guardian, to watch over this one specific human, and that responsibility had been taken from him unjustly, as far as he saw it. As soon as he returned home, he would strive to take it back, no matter what the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late you guys! Yesterday was a disaster at work and I ended up falling asleep when I got home and totally forgot it was even Sunday until Kelly reminded me _today_ that I was supposed to post. So thanks to her, this is actually up now and not waiting another week because I'm an idiot.

It wasn't much longer before Sam and Amelia returned, and Castiel didn't miss the way they both glance over at Dean before looking back at each other, matching smiles colouring their faces. There was definitely something he was missing, and he made a mental note to ask Charlie about it as soon as they were alone again, she seemed the most likely to tell him.

The angels were grumpy as they gathered around the room, and Castiel couldn't blame them. He was hungry and tired and still rather uncomfortable from being cramped up for so long. He said as much to Charlie, and she quickly tugged Dean out of his seat and they hurried off to the kitchen to make something for dinner. 

In the meantime, Castiel and Sam led the angels away in groups. Sam took half of them back down to the shower room where they could take turns cleaning up, and Castiel took the rest - guided by Amelia - toward the spare bedrooms. 

There were four of them that Charlie and Amelia had managed to set up before they arrived, with two beds in each, and once those were claimed, and the angels were making themselves comfortable, they headed down to the dungeon. A few cots had been set up in preparation, and despite the room's name, the women had made it homely enough for temporary housing. At any rate, it was better than the factory they had been hiding out in, and no one was complaining. 

For the rest of them, there was a family room set up on the same level as the bedrooms and there were couches and chairs available. Amelia apologized more than once for the lack of proper sleeping space, but Castiel assured her it was fine, and when he explained where they had been sleeping before - mostly on concrete floors with very little bedding - she stopped apologizing and started mothering them. 

Eventually, all the beds were laid out and Sam's angels were out of the shower room as Castiel led his group toward it. Castiel vaguely heard Balthazar complaining about not getting first choice of sleeping arrangements, and behind Castiel Gabriel just laughed at him.

"That's what you get for using the showers first." Amelia and Castiel ushered them away before Balthazar could reply. 

Once everyone - Castiel included - was clean and dry and had somewhere to sleep for the night, they regrouped in the map room, half of them sitting in the library so they all had reasonable space to eat. Charlie and Dean brought dinner out on a small silver cart, setting various dishes along the centre of the tables in the library, along with a large stack of plates. Cups of varying sizes and shapes were set at one end and there was more than one jug of water. Dean, he noticed, was keeping a beer stashed on the cart that he kept sipping at. 

Everyone helped themselves to the food and drink, that seemed almost never-ending. When Dean pulled Castiel aside, out into the hall where they could talk without being interrupted, he explained that Amelia had prepared most of the food early on in the day, and he and Charlie hadn't had to do more than put it in the over or the microwave. Castiel smiled at that.

"She must have spent a long time getting everything ready today," he said. 

Dean nodded, mumbling through a mouth full of potato, "yeah, but she had Charlie, and I have a sneaking suspicion Bobby and Jody were down here too."

"Jody?" Castiel asked, lowering his fork back to his plate.

"She's the sheriff up in Sioux Falls, but she's a friend of Bobby's and she's helped us out in the past. She's never one to say no, especially if it's Bobby asking, if you know what I mean." 

Castiel wasn't sure he did know what Dean meant, but the man smiled to himself as he took another bite of his dinner, and Castiel couldn't imagine anything bad could make Dean smile like that. 

"Would you thank them for us, next time you talk to them? I can't tell you how much I - we appreciate everything you're doing, Dean."

"Dude, how many times do I gotta tell you, I _want_ to help. I'm not doing this 'cause I feel obligated or whatever, I'm doing this 'cause you're my friend, and I-" he inhaled slowly and his gaze dropped from Castiel's face back to his plate, "'cause I want to."

Disregarding everything in his mind that told him not to, Castiel reached out and placed on hand over Dean's where it was resting on his knee. 

"Thank you, Dean," he breathed, ignoring the way Dean's fingers spread apart to let Castiel's fall between them.

\- - -

Despite his insistence, no one would let him help clean up after dinner, and eventually he stalked off to find Anna, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. His sister huffed a quiet laugh at him when he found her in the family room, running a soft hand down his arm.

"They wouldn't let you help?" she guessed.

"Humans are very stubborn," he frowned. 

"Ah, well, there's not much you can do about that, is there? And I'm not sure you should be complaining, when you are equally stubborn." Castiel opened his mouth to disagree, but Anna cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Where are you sleeping, Castiel?"

He paused. He had been so wrapped up in getting everyone else sorted, in taking charge where he could, that he hadn't made any preparations for himself. "I don't know," he admitted, "but there's still room here, I could sleep on the floor. Anything is still better than the factory." Anna nodded her agreement, but she still didn't seem pleased with the idea. 

"We could alternate," she suggested, "switch each night. I'll sleep on the floor tomorrow and you can take the couch." She patted the brown leather she was sitting on as if to make her point, but Castiel shook his head.

"I'll be comfortable enough on the floor, I don't want to put you out."

"Castiel," she said, her voice a warning. He just dropped his head, pretending his interest had been caught by something on the floor. It sounded like Anna was about to say more, when a soft knock drew both their attention toward the door. 

Dean was leaning in the frame drying his hands on a dishtowel, a black apron still tied around his waist. He smiled when Castiel looked up at him, shrugging in a way that was clearly meant to call him over. He glanced over at Anna, and she gave him a pointed look before practically shooing him away. Castiel rose up and crossed toward the door, trying to push Anna's soft giggles out of his mind. 

"Hey," Dean said softly, busying his hands with the towel, "so I'm guessing you were busy with the rest of these guys and didn't plan for sleeping anywhere yourself-" Castiel moved to interrupt him, but Dean held up one hand, " I know what you're like, dude, c'mon." Castiel looked up sheepishly and Dean laughed. "I thought so," he paused for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "So I thought uh, you can bunk with me. If you want. I mean, we don't have any extra beds, but mine's huge and it's not like it's the first time we've shared a bed, even before..." he trailed off, waving the dish towel vaguely. 

Dean was nervous about this, he realized. This was a huge thing, and Castiel wasn't the only one who was anxious being in the same space again. He considered the offer for much less time than he should have. He could have very well slept on the floor next to Anna, or even shared the couch as she had suggested, there was no need for him to put himself in such close proximity to Dean. And yet, he recalled the way Dean had so eagerly spoken about his bed and how much Castiel would love it. 

He convinced himself that _that_ was the reason he said yes.

\- - -

Dean's room was much like the others that the other angels were housed in, except there was stuff everywhere. It was dark, lit only by two lamps next to the bed and a tall lamp nearer to the door and various weapons hung from two of the walls, ones Castiel recognized. Stacks of books were sitting on top of a small desk and there were various other items on the dresser and bedside tables, of which, Castiel noticed, there were two.

He was still looking over the room, stopping briefly on a photo that Castiel assumed was of Sam and Dean's mother, when Dean came over to him, pushing a pair of pyjama pants into his arms. He hadn't even realized Dean had left his side. 

"Thought you might want something more comfy than jeans to sleep in," he mumbled, shrugging.

"I still have the clothes you gave me," Castiel assured him, "though they should probably be washed."

"We can do that tomorrow," Dean grinned, pushing Cas' shirt back as if to encourage him to change, "right now I know I'm exhausted, and I can't imagine you feel a whole lot better." Castiel nodded, finally letting the exhaustion take over as he allowed Dean to push the button up shirt from his shoulders. He turned out of habit, to let Dean unpin the back of the shirt and tug it up over his head. He sighed as his arms fell back to his sides and Dean chuckled at him.

"You're gonna have to do the rest yourself, Cas. I don't really think we're quite back to a point where taking your pants off is something I should be doing."

Castiel stayed quiet, silently agreeing with the man, while simultaneously wishing he wasn't so respectful. Dean turned away as he stripped out of his jeans and pulled the borrowed pants up over his hips. They were soft and smelled like Dean, and once again Castiel wondered if accepting this invitation was the smartest thing to do. 

Dean was changed by the time he turned around, and was sitting on the edge of the bed nearest Castiel, pushing the covers down and setting the alarm on his bedside table. Slowly, Castiel made his way to the other side of the bed, folding his jeans and setting them on the other table. He sat down on the very edge of the mattress and sighed contentedly as it sunk down under his weight. He heard Dean's soft chuckle from behind him and pushed himself further onto the bed, lying on his side with his feet tucked under the down turned blankets. 

He wanted to turn and look at Dean, they had slept together at the factory after all, but this was much more intimate. This was Dean's bed, in Dean's room, in Dean's house, and Castiel was a visitor here. Castiel had been invited into this room, and now that he was here, lying mere inches from the man, he realized he hadn't thought past getting here. There was no way he would be able to sleep with Dean so close to him, his breath slow and even as he slept. He took a deep breath that was much too shaky for his liking and reached out to switch off the lamp next to him. 

"Hey," Dean's voice was accompanied by the brush of fabric against his leg as the blankets were pulled up, "you don't have to sleep right on the edge of the bed Cas, and uh, I'm kind of getting a face full of feathers here."

"Oh!" Castiel sat up quickly, tucking his wings in as closely as he could to back. He shuffled around until he was comfortably facing the opposite direction and lay back down. His breath caught in his throat when he looked up to see Dean staring back at him, less than a foot from his face. "Sorry," he mumbled, tilting his chin down, "I forget sometimes, they're not something I usually have to worry about when I sleep."

"I don't mind," Dean smiled softly, "but you are gonna have to move over here a bit, or you're going to fall off the bed."

"I'll be fine," Castiel insisted, and he could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. Dean snorted lightly, and it took Castiel a moment to realize that the pressure on his hip was Dean tugging him forward. He steadied himself for the embrace that he had come to expect so many months ago, but it never came. Dean pulled him in so that their noses nearly pressed together, but then his hand dropped away and he shuffled back into position, but he didn't turn away or close his eyes. 

After a little while, Dean's eyes drifted shut, and Castiel thought he was asleep until fingertips brushed over his hips and Dean's eyes flicked back open.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. Castiel nodded, forgetting the logic that kept him at a distance from Dean, and shifted closer, letting Dean's arm drape over him. His own arms moved without his consent, wrapping around Dean's bare chest, and before he could realize what was happening, they were pressed flush against each other, Castiel's head tucked under Dean's chin. 

It was too warm under the blankets, despite the fact that they were, according to his calculations, most likely underground, but Castiel refused to pull away. Everything was Dean, and he was comfortable and safe and he didn't need to think too hard about it now, if it became a problem later, he could focus on it then. Dean's knee slid between his legs and Castiel let out a puff of breath against his chest, hooking his own knee around Dean's.

No, he decided, he didn't need to think about it.

\- - -

The morning was hectic. Everyone was trying to get to the same place at the same time. The line up for the bathroom was ridiculously long, and Castiel bypassed it for the time being, in favour of heading up to the kitchen. Gabriel, of course, was sitting at the table, chatting away at a very sleepy Dean as he attempted to flip pancakes and keep bacon from burning at the same time.

"You're distracting him," Castiel chided, sliding into a seat across from Gabriel. His brother gave him a questioning look - Castiel assumed he had been talking to Anna - but Castiel ignored it, he was still pleasantly warm from waking up wrapped around Dean and he was impressed with himself for managing to find the kitchen on just his second attempt. The first had nearly led him outside. 

"Good morning to you too," Gabriel smirked, "sleep well?"

"Fine, thank you," Castiel replied, holding back a grin as Dean's back went rigid, "and you?"

"Could've been better. Balthy wormed his way into my bed and refused to leave, so I had to sleep with that face pressed right up against mine - wings and all, y'know." Dean snorted at that without turning around, and Castiel grinned. 

Dean plodded over a few minutes later, dropping two plates of pancakes and bacon between them, "if you want more syrup, it's in the fridge, Gabe."

"You're both pretty cheery this morning," Gabriel grinned, glancing back and forth between them. He batted his eyelashes until Dean picked up one of the dry pancakes and shoved it in his mouth. 

"You should be too, don't count on me cooking for you again," Dean mumbled, but as he turned away, Castiel caught the grin on his face.

They ate breakfast in peace, angels sifted in and out, eating and making way for the others behind them. Sam showed up a little after nine and took over cooking duties, much to Dean's relief, because the second he was out of the kitchen, his own pancakes and bacon wrapped up in a piece of tinfoil, he slumped down in the hallway, yawning loudly. 

"I'm beat, man."

"You should have slept last night," Castiel looked over at him, his expression turning up into a grin when Dean gave him a dopey smile. 

"I was distracted."

"I wasn't doing anything," Castiel argued.

"You were there," Dean mumbled, flushing as he turned back to his breakfast. A comfortable silence fell between them as Dean distracted himself with food. 

Castiel closed his eyes, thinking back to the morning, waking up surrounded by the scent of Dean, warm arms around him, having not moved during the night. In those moments, he had forgotten every thought of the future, everything about going home and leaving Dean. When they were together, it was just Dean, nothing else mattered, and it scared him a little to realize that, but on the other hand, he wouldn't wish it to be any other way. 

He realized as he glanced over at the man next to him, that there would be no forgetting Dean when he returned home. He would spend the rest of his life doing what he should have been doing up to this point; he would watch over Dean, ensure that nothing happened to him that wasn't intended, that he was happy and safe. For the rest of his life, he would be with Dean, even if he couldn't stand next to him and brush his fingers through his hair. There would be no Dean and Castiel, but for Castiel there would be nothing but Dean. He was created to be a guardian, to watch over this one specific human, and that responsibility had been taken from him unjustly, as far as he saw it. As soon as he returned home, he would strive to take it back, no matter what the cost. 

Castiel realized with a jolt that Dean was looking at him, a peculiar expression on his face, and he dropped his chin. 

"What?" Dean asked, cocking his head, "you were smiling, what were you thinking about?"

"I thought you didn't 'do feelings and shit'" Castiel quoted in his mock-Dean voice. Dean laughed and dropped his head back against the wall.

"Yeah, well I didn't do guys either until you came along."

Castiel leaned back as well, contemplating that for a moment before changing the topic entirely.

"Gabriel says Michael wants to discuss research," he said casually, "after breakfast, once everyone is settled again. He's eager to get this whole thing sorted out and finished with."

"Can't say I blame him," Dean mumbled, "but yeah, we can set up in the library, just kick everyone out for a while so we can talk about stuff."

"Thank you."

"You can stop thanking me, y'know, I told you I want to do this."

"I know," Castiel smiled, "we should clear up the kitchen before we talk to Michael." 

Dean grinned back at him and snorted, "let Sammy clean up the kitchen, Charlie and I did it last night. Besides, I need your help to grab some books fro the archive room, Michael might to see them." He pushed himself up without another word, tossing the now crumpled tinfoil into a garbage can in the kitchen before heading back down the hall. Castiel followed after him, trying to memorize the layout of the Bunker, even if he was only going to be there briefly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was only one thing playing through his mind, an infinite loop of _Dean is mortal_. He had always known that, of course, but he had tried not to let himself think about exactly what that meant. He could fill his life with Dean for the rest of Dean's life, but eventually Dean would be gone. One day he would have to start the day knowing that it was the last time he would see the man. He would meet him at the gates and lead Dean to his heaven and that would be that, Dean Winchester would leave his life for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are any mistakes in this chapter, I've had an awful week, plus I've been sick for four days and editing and I are so not friends right now. So apologies, and if I notice anything I'll fix it :)  
> Thanks for reading, you guys are wonderful and I would have given up on this a long time ago if it wasn't for you <3  
> Also, sorry if these few chapters have been a little boring, it will get more exciting I promise.

The archive room was far bigger than Castiel had expected, littered with boxes and loose papers. This room hadn't been on the tour, having nothing to do with any of the angels except those in charge, and Castiel spent a good few minutes just looking at things. A few times Dean all but shouted at him about touching things because he and Sam didn't know what they were, and Castiel just rolled his eyes, bluntly reminding Dean that he was an _angel_ and even without his powers, he knew not to touch just anything that was lying around. 

He was learning that the human mind was strange. Just two minutes ago, he had no recollection of the dusty box in front of him, but faced with it now, he remembered the day it was uncovered by some poor unwitting human who was promptly burnt alive with one simple touch. Castiel used another box to push it aside and warned Dean never to touch it without safety equipment.

"You know, you'd be handy to have around," he joked, "keep me from frying myself."

"I certainly hope you don't need my assistance for that," Castiel replied, intrigued by a pair of Jade lions sitting on an otherwise empty shelf, "I won't be around forever."

"Actually," Dean smiled joylessly, "you will be. It's me that'll be going."

Castiel frowned, "that's not what I meant."

"I know," Dean shrugged, "just sayin'"

"Dean-" he started, but he was cut off by a stack of books being pressed into his chest. 

"Take these ones, I'll grab the rest. C'mon," he pressed when Castiel only frowned at him. Dean cocked an eyebrow at him, and resignedly Castiel unfolded his arms and took the stack of books. Dean picked out a few more from the same shelf and then they started back upstairs, their conversation apparently over.

\- - -

Michael flipped through the books eagerly, not even bothering to look up as he spoke, Gabriel and Balthazar hanging over his shoulders. Sam and Dean discussed the possibility of going to Bobby's to raid his library and Castiel was only half paying attention to any of them, still too caught up in his unfinished conversation with dean.

He eyed the man subtly, face turned down toward an oversized book on angel mythology. Only some of it was even correct, and when he actually paid attention to it, it was tedious to read, but Michael insisted they look into every possibility. So Castiel continued pretending to read. He caught glimpses of text here and there, but for the most part there was only one thing playing through his mind, an infinite loop of _Dean is mortal_. He had always known that, of course, but he had tried not to let himself think about exactly what that meant. He could fill his life with Dean for the rest of Dean's life, but eventually Dean would be gone. One day he would have to start the day knowing that it was the last time he would see the man. He would meet him at the gates and lead Dean to his heaven and that would be that, Dean Winchester would leave his life for good.

Of course, there were ways for angels to visit personal heavens, but it wasn't common practice and if Castiel was reassigned or re-stationed somewhere else, the time he could spend with Dean would be limited. Providing Dean wanted to see him at all. That thought turned his stomach and pulled at his heart in ways he was all too familiar with but still not used to. Castiel's throat felt tight and he had to curl his fingers around the edge of the table to keep from bolting from the room. 

He didn't realize that any of this was showing on his face until something soft brushed against his cheek and he jerked his head up to find Michael leaning over him, one wing outstretched in what seemed to be a comforting gesture. Castiel sighed and pushed Michael away as gently as he could, not wanting to seem ungrateful for his concern. 

"I was thinking, I-I'm okay," he assured them, the lie falling too easily from his lips. Gabriel and Dean looked at him with matching expressions of disbelief but he ignored them, "you were talking about going to Bobby's," he prompted. 

"We were," Michael agreed, "and we were asking your opinion." If they had been back in Heaven, Castiel would fear for his position the way he so blatantly ignored an archangel - and Michael, at that - when he was being spoken to. As it was, there was concern in Michael's eyes, though he seemed content to trust Castiel's evaluation of himself, unlike Gabriel and Dean.

"We should go," Castiel said firmly, "Bobby was there to help us before, and his library may hold the answers we're looking for. Until we know what we need for the spell, we shouldn't dismiss any option. Bobby has resources." Sam backed him up on this and they fell back into an easy discussion, but Dean never stopped glancing over at him.

\- - -

It was still early when they filed out of the library to collect the few things they needed to take with them. Michael had pushed to go up immediately and even though it was another six hour drive, Dean had agreed with him. Sam, it was decided, would stay behind with the others and Dean would drive Castiel, Gabriel and Michael up to Sioux Falls. Balthazar would go with him for no reason - apparently - other than he and Gabriel seemed to be attached at the hip.

Castiel was in the living room when Dean found him. He tried his best to look busy, like he didn't realize Dean was there, but apparently he failed because Dean forcefully put himself in from of him. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, his tone leaving no room for the sarcastic remarks Castiel had been contemplating. 

"Yes," he replied with a sigh, "I just realized something earlier that I would rather not think about."

"You've been off since this morning, is this about what I said before?"

"Yes," Castiel admitted. There was no point in lying about it, and if Dean wanted to know, he would get it out of him eventually.

"You know that doesn't really apply here, right? You'll be long gone by then, and I'm a hunter, my lifespan is severely decreased every day I go out there."

"Just because you won't see me, doesn't mean I won't see you. It's my job to watch over you Dean."

" _Was_ you job," Dean corrected, "you're a soldier now, right?" 

Castiel huffed and turned away from him, pretending to focus on preparing for the trip to Bobby's. He shouldn't be so offended by an offhanded comment like that - he had told Dean he was a soldier, after all - but things had changed since he'd met Dean, he knew now what his true purpose was and he was going to follow that path. Honestly, he couldn't imagine doing anything else now.

"No," he said stiffly, finally breaking the silence, "I'm your guardian and I will act as such until-" the words caught in his throat and he let himself falter. In a moment, Dean's hands were on his shoulders, and Castiel stopped himself from leaning back into him. 

"I'm sorry," Dean said, "I just- I thought you'd want to put all this behind you once you got home."

"Even if I could, I wouldn't." 

Castiel raised a hand to his shoulder, his fingertips just brushing Dean's. They stood in silence for a few moments, until Dean exhaled deeply and spoke, "Sam was just getting the car ready, we should go."

"We're going now?"

"Yeah, we were going to wait, but Michael wants to get going now, even if it means staying overnight at Bobby's." Castiel nodded his understanding and they made their way out to the garage in silence.

\- - -

The drive up to Sioux Falls was uncomfortable and uninteresting. Castiel had the trench coat draped over his wings - much to Dean's apparent delight - and the others shared a blanket despite the heat. Dean played his music loud and Castiel sang along to what he knew. For him, it was uneventful.

\- - -

Bobby Singer's house resembled the bunker's archive room, only on a larger scale. Notebooks and loose papers covered almost every surface, whiskey bottles -both empty and full - and various items joining them giving the house the appearance of an old apothecary. There were shelves on either side of the couch holding yet more books, and seeing this room alone, Castiel could understand how Bobby was unofficially a hunter coordinator.

Dean pushed his way through the front door and into the living room like he lived there and Castiel realized that, at some point, he probably had. The angels followed after him tucking their wings in and ducking so they wouldn't hit them on the door frame or knock anything over. They stood in the middle of the room, waiting patiently for Dean to give them some sort of okay to sit or anything else. Even Castiel waited patiently while Dean disappeared into the kitchen.

Bobby Singer himself was standing in the kitchen near the stove, leaning on the counter with a phone to his ear and rattling off numbers and names that meant absolutely nothing to Castiel - likely coordinates or badge numbers, judging by what Dean had told him. He was no less gruff than the first time Castiel had met him, but there was a sort of familiarity that settled in his stomach, and he was pleased to be the only one of the angels to have met the man previously. 

Dean led them all into the living room to finish introductions before he disappeared into the kitchen with Bobby. He claimed to be helping with dinner but, true as that may be, after spending the morning in the library, Castiel was sure Dean was just looking for a way to get out of doing research. 

Jody was the one who took them and got them sorted out, stacking piles of books between them where they sat on the floor and directing them to specific chapters and pages. Apparently she and Bobby had been busy while they were driving up; every book that wasn't specifically biblical lore was marked and Jody seemed to know exactly what was where. Needless to say, Castiel was impressed. 

Michael immersed himself instantly, taking the first book Jody offered and pressing his nose into it, apparently undisturbed by the clanging coming from the kitchen. Castiel picked up the next book in the pile and started in on it, more focused than he had been in the library, but still keeping an eye on the kitchen when the banging didn't stop. 

The room fell silent eventually as they poured over the books, picking through what was actual fact and what had been made up by humans however long ago to make the stories more interesting. A lot of it was completely ridiculous and Castiel had to resist the urge to snort outwardly at the text, but he kept looking.

\- - -

A sound from across the room drew his attention and he was more than happy to look up for its origin. They had been sitting for longer than he could really remember, time blending together as he read dozens of versions of the same stories, each one slightly varying from the last. When he tilted his head up, Michael was running his fingers along the spine of a book, looking into the kitchen as someone came into the living room.

"Where did this come from?" he asked, and Castiel could hear the restrained anger in his voice. Apparently so could Jody because she stopped in the doorway and turned back to Bobby. The old hunter came forward, drying his hands on a dish towel and leaned on the wall next to her. 

"Picked that one up years ago from another hunter, got himself killed and we had to clear out his house before anyone came looking and asking questions," Bobby shrugged, "looked useful so I brought it home with it."

"It's certainly useful," Michael snorted, "this book belongs in Heaven." Bobby just shrugged, seemingly unfazed

"Take it with you then, I got a lot of this crap memorized anyway."

At the mention of Heaven, the other angels had gathered around Michael, looking down at the book in his hands. Castiel was so enthralled that he didn't realize when Dean joined them in the room, announcing that dinner was done and if they wanted to eat, they were going to have to leave the books for a moment. Castiel thought vaguely that Dean had forgotten he was talking to two of the most powerful beings in the universe, but he ignored it and strained over Gabriel's shoulder to read down the page. 

A few minutes of arguing and a heap of angelic stubbornness as Dean called it, led to plates being brought into the living room and set down on the floor so they could eat without having to leave the book. Michael was eager to find out any and all information he could, and Dean said as much when he came back into the room. 

"It wouldn't kill you to take a break, y'know," he mumbled around a mouthful of rice. Michael looked up long enough to shoot him a disapproving look before his eyes settled back onto the page.

\- - -

It was getting late by the time they found any mention of the spell. Castiel hadn't looked at the clock in some time, but the last time he had it had been nearing nine o'clock and he was sure it had been hours since then. Even Michael's resolve was fading when Balthazar suddenly lurched forward, pushing Michael forward in his urgency to point at the page.

"'Rumours of a spell to open a 'back door' to Heaven, a spell that can only be performed by an archangel...'" he read, and suddenly four heads were pressed into the space above the book. Castiel read carefully, taking in every word. There was a spell, but it required personal possessions from all seven archangels, and though they had two of the archangels in their company, they had none of the needed items. 

"Well that was a waste of time," Balthazar groaned, falling back to his seat behind them. 

"Not necessarily," Gabriel continued, not looking up, "Dad was always looking out for us, if he's got a back door, he's going to have accounted for the possibility of us not all being together," he glanced at Michael, "what do you think?"

"I think," he started, carefully choosing his words, "you're right. It's collecting all the necessary components that we're going to have trouble with, although we could use a tracking spell."

"You think we can do it without all the stuff?" Gabriel questioned. Dean piped up at that moment, coming to sit in front of the angels.

"Why without all the stuff?" he asked, looking between Michael and Gabriel.

"For a tracking spell of this sort," Michael explained, "we would need something from each of us to find the items, a feather for example. For Gabriel and I, that's not a problem, we're both here and willing. Uriel has chosen to take a step back as far as leadership, but I have faith he'll be more than willing to help as well. The others," he shook his head, "we don't even know where they are, so there's no guarantee that the spell to open the door would work, but I believe Gabriel's right, our Father wouldn't leave us to flounder."

"So what do we do?" 

Castiel looked up at the determination in Dean's eyes that pushed aside the regret that he knew lingered there. "We find what we can," he glanced down at the page, "Michael's sword, Gabriel's horn, Uriel's scroll - and we hope that that's enough. Either that or we hold out hope that we can find the others and collect everything we need." Judging by Michael's snort, that wasn't an option. 

"Tell me what we need."

"Nothing, right now," Michael answered, closing the book and setting it gently on the floor before him, "this part, at least, can wait for now. I'd like to speak to Virgil before we continue, he was Father's weapons master, and he may know where we can find some of the things we need."

"So you don't know where your own stuff is?" Bobby asked gruffly, and Castiel noted that he too, seemed to forget who he was talking to. 

"The relics were scattered on Earth so that they wouldn't be found easily," Michael answered, considerably calmly, "this spell is intended for emergency use only, He didn't want to make it obvious."

"So what now then?" he asked.

"Now we should rest," Michael looked up to Dean, "I'd like to leave as early as possible in the morning, this could all be finished with in a few days if we don't waste time." Castiel stomach turned as Dean nodded, the idea of _a few days_ something he really didn't want to think about

Bobby reluctantly agreed to wake up early to have breakfast ready for them, even when Dean insisted it wasn't necessary, and Jody excused herself to sort out the spare rooms for them to sleep in. Michael set the book aside, and took another one about religious relics and stacked them, fully intent on bringing them back to the bunker with them. He rose and took a seat in one of the armchairs, relaxing into it while he waited for Jody to return. 

When she did, she led Castiel and his siblings upstairs. Dean stayed downstairs voluntarily, settling into the couch, where he had tossed a few spare blankets for himself. Castiel wasn't looking forward to sleeping alone again after the night before, but he would be comfortable enough knowing that Dean was just downstairs from him, that Michael was happy and that soon enough, they would head back to the bunker where Castiel didn't have his own place to sleep. When he and Bobby left the living room to go to their respective rooms, Dean bade them goodnight and grunted as he buried his face in the arm of the chair. 

The room Castiel was given to sleep in was small, and as such he had it to himself. The bed wasn't nearly as comfortable as Dean's memory foam, but he settled into it gladly, thinking back to the hard concrete at the factory. 

He lay on his stomach, looking up at the window above the bed and waiting for sleep that didn't come. There was too much banging around in his mind, keeping him focused on one thing after another so that he couldn't settle his mind. The moon was bright in the sky, and he stared up at it, trying to push all other thought aside, but he found himself thinking back to the nights he slept outside the cabin on the small patch of moss next to a tree. He smiled to himself at the memory of Dean, inexplicably angry about him sleeping outside and throwing a blanket over him. 

The smile spread over his face and Castiel found himself struck with the urge to wander outside in the moonlight. There was no way he was going to sleep at this rate anyway, and maybe the calm of the night would encourage his mind to settle. He slipped, near silent, out of bed and made his way down the hall toward the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean hummed in understanding and dropped his head against Castiel's shoulder. He inhaled deeply and Castiel made no effort to move him. Neither of them spoke for a long time, leaning against each other and watching the sky. It was Dean who broke the silence.
> 
> "What are we doing here, Cas?"
> 
> "Hm?" Castiel asked. His eyelids felt heavy and he would much rather have this conversation when he was fully awake.
> 
> "You 'n' me, Cas. I'm still not sure how to deal with all this."

Moonlight streamed through the window, playing over Dean's sleeping form, and Castiel stepped close to the doorway, watching him for a moment before he turned away. He padded back to the front door, opening it as quietly as he could and slipping out into the warm night. Once he settled himself on the front steps, Castiel turned his face to the sky, watching the stars and trying to imagine a Heaven beyond them, and  
what was going on up there. He found he cared infinitely less than he should. 

A few moments passed and the door creaked open behind him, and Castiel looked up calmly as Dean took a seat next to him. 

"What're you doing up?" he asked.

"I couldn't focus," Castiel said simply, and Dean chuckled.

"You're not supposed to focus, you're supposed to sleep."

"I mean I can't shut my mind off, I can't sleep." 

Dean hummed in understanding and dropped his head against Castiel's shoulder. He inhaled deeply and Castiel made no effort to move him. Neither of them spoke for a long time, leaning against each other and watching the sky. It was Dean who broke the silence.

"What are we doing here, Cas?"

"Hm?" Castiel asked. His eyelids felt heavy and he would much rather have this conversation when he was fully awake.

"You 'n' me, Cas. I'm still not sure how to deal with all this."

Castiel sighed in resignation, tilting his head up to look at Dean. "You've always been something of a distraction for me. It never should have taken me so long to find the others, but my priorities were... skewed." He sighed heavily, shoulder slumping forward as he rested his elbows on his knees. 

"I can't do this right now," he continued, "I have to stay focused, Michael is expecting me to help, the others," his eyes flicked briefly to Dean's, trying hard not to read his expression, "they're depending on us."

"I know," Dean breathed, mirroring Castiel's pose, "but it sucks. Nothing- nothing's changed for me, just so you know." Castiel actually smiled, tilting toward his companion.

"I knew the moment I saw you again, that nothing will ever change the way I feel about you, but Dean-"

"I get it," Dean returned his quiet smile, "you've got an entire family to take care of, not just one overgrown little brother."

"I do," Castiel agreed regretfully. 

"So we don't do this," Dean said simply, "we keep it casual, keep you focused," he winked and Castiel huffed a laugh, pressing his face to Dean's shoulder, "but they don't need you right now, let me have nights. I'm not gonna do anything you don't want, just sleep with _me_. 'S not like there's anywhere else to sleep anyway," he added as an afterthought.

"I can do that," Castiel agreed easily. "In that case, we should go to bed, because I'm tired now, and you have to drive us home in the morning."

"Mmhm," Dean mumbled, rising and pulling Castiel with him. 

They crept quietly up to the spare room and Castiel climbed into the single bed, immediately drawing Dean in after him. He closed his eyes as warm breath dusted across his nose, tangling his limbs with Deans with familiar ease.

\- - -

They were woken early by sun shining bright onto their faces and Dean rolled out of bed when he moved to avoid it, dragging Castiel after him. Castiel blinked into consciousness, Dean's sheepish grin the first thing he saw. With a groan, he closed his eyes and buried his head in Dean's neck, avoiding the sunlight and fighting for a few more minutes of sleep.

He was pushed away ungracefully when the bedroom door swung in, and the greeting died on Gabriel's tongue as he took in the scene in front of him.

"Huh," he smirked, saying nothing more but eyeing Castiel suspiciously. 

"I couldn't sleep," Castiel mumbled, as if that was some sort of explanation as to why Dean was on the floor, tangled in his blankets.

"Uh huh. You wanna come downstairs, there's food and coffee and Michael's already getting antsy." Castiel sighed but pulled himself up. The draw of coffee was more than enough to get him up.

\- - -

Breakfast was a quiet affair, everyone half asleep except for Gabriel who seemed to make it his mission to embarrass Castiel, shooting pointed looks between him and Dean every few seconds and trying to get a rise out of one of them. Even Michael seemed subdued, more content to eat his toast than solve Heaven's problems at the moment. Castiel still wasn't convinced Balthazar had actually woken up yet, despite his continued grunts each time Gabriel nudged him.

Castiel was more awake than he would have been had he woken up on his own rather than been pulled to the floor in a heap of blankets Winchester. Even so he was finding it difficult to concentrate on more than his too-sweet coffee and the spot where Dean's knee continually bumped against his own. It was surprisingly easy to ignore Gabriel. 

Jody slept through breakfast, but she came out when they were leaving to say goodbye, and Castiel smiled at the way she leaned into Bobby when she waved. He waved back, following Balthazar to the car and shrugging the trench coat over his shoulders. He settled into his seat, taking a few minutes to make himself comfortable while Dean continued talking to Bobby. Michael passed him the books they were bringing back, and Castiel set them on his lap as his brothers pulled the blanket over their shoulders behind him. When Dean came over to the car, he adjusted it slightly, ensuring no feathers were sticking out to give them away.

The drive was long, and boring, but Castiel managed to fall asleep halfway through, and when they arrived back at the bunker, Dean woke him up grumbling about how they had _just_ decided they would sleep _together_. Castiel just smiled sleepily and brushed past him. He was sure had they not had that conversation the night before, that he would have Dean wrapped around him from behind right now, and he tried not to be too disappointed about that.

\- - -

Michael, apparently, had gone down to the dungeon to talk to Virgil almost as soon as they had arrived and Castiel followed after him, more out of interest than necessity. The dungeon was on a lower level, behind two shelves that swung out like a door. They were open now, and behind Michael's wings, Castiel could see Virgil sitting across a table from his brother. Michael had brought him down the day before - so Dean had said - as soon as he found out the room existed.

They both seemed upset now, naturally, so Castiel hung back, just on his side of the archway, watching as Michael loomed over the table and Virgil steadfastly ignore him. It was frustrating even to watch.

"Why do you refuse to help?" Michael insisted, his voice reaching dangerously low levels. 

"Why do you _think_ ," Virgil spat back, and the clanging of metal told Castiel he was showing Michael his restraints. They didn't speak for a long time, but neither did Michael back down, wings poised defensively above him. They snapped close to his back suddenly, and Michael learned further over the table.

"I _will ___come back," he said, terrifyingly calm, and Castiel was reminded of the absolute power that Michael should possess. The archangel turned and his expression softened when he looked at Castiel. "Ignore him, brother, he will agree to help eventually."

Castiel followed him out and Michael flung the doors shut behind them, cutting off Virgil's indignant reply. They walked together in silence, but when they reached the library and Michael made to break away, he turned toward Castiel. 

"Next time I speak to Virgil, I'd like you to me with me, Castiel. You're well-liked and he may be more inclined to talk to you." Castiel nodded dumbly and Michael placed a hand on his shoulder, pleased, before starting away. 

_Castiel had no idea how Michael expected him to help, he wasn't made for questioning, he was a soldier and a guard - more recently a guardian - and he didn't have the training for interrogation. Not knowing what else to do, or even what was to be expected, he sought out Anna again. For millennia, she had been a voice of reason, she would know what to do._

__

\- - -

"I don't know what to tell you, Castiel," Anna said, sliding over to make room for him to sit next to her. "Michael obviously has faith in you and he's right, people like you. That along might be enough."

"That's what Michael said," Castiel scowled, slumping petulantly against his sister. Anna laughed and stroked his hair, "you have changed so much since you fell, Castiel. You used to look forward to challenges."

"I still do," he sighed, "but this is important to them, I don't want to get it wrong."

"You won't," Anna smiled, "but you said 'them', isn't it important to you too?"

"It is," he assured her, guilt plaguing him at his accidental confession that no, his heart was not entirely in this, "it's important."

"It is," Anna echoed, "but so are other things, and you always have a choice."

"I made my choice, Anna. I have to do what's right by my family."

Anna smiled at him, "there's more than one kind of family, Cas."

\- - -

They ate a late lunch around three o'clock and while Castiel contemplated his conversation with Anna, Dean played up being tired and wanting to sleep until Amelia pointed out that that only left Sam to make dinner. Dean frowned, loudly expressing his dislike of Sam's cooking before sulking off to take a nap.

Castiel felt sorry for him, until Charlie and Amelia assured him that Dean had more than enough to make up for as far as chores and cooking were concerned. When Castiel asked why, Sam casually changed the subject and it was Castiel's turn to frown at him. He was sure something had happened with Dean when they were apart, but no one seemed to want to talk about it. 

He considered asking Dean about it, got all the way down to his room before realizing that it might not be a welcome topic. Besides, Dean had already fallen asleep and after a moment's consideration, Castiel decided he would rather rest with him. He climbed up onto the bed next to Dean and shut his eyes as the man subconsciously shuffled closer. 

Castiel didn't sleep. He wasn't tired after falling asleep on the drive home, but he wanted to rest. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly now, bustling along at a dizzying pace, and Castiel wanted a break. He let himself sink into the bed, listening to Dean's soft breaths next to him. If he only had a short time left, he wanted to spend it with Dean, wanted to be close enough to reach out and touch for as long as he could because soon enough that option would be taken away, and he would have to watch from a distance, just close enough to ensure Dean was safe. 

When the alarm on Dean's phone went off, Castiel silenced it immediately, letting Dean have a few more minutes of sleep before brushing a hand down his arm.

"Dean?" he tried, but the man just curled closer, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist and mumbling something that sounded like _five more minutes_. "Dean," he repeated, firmer. Dean groaned and rolled over, pulling Castiel on top of him for the second time that day.

"'M tired, Cas."

"You have to make dinner."

"Make Sammy do it."

"We both know you don't want that," Castiel pushed on his chest, but Dean held him close, "come on, Dean."

"You're no fun, Cas," he grumbled, "what are you doing here, anyway?"

"I wanted to ask you something, but I changed my mind," Castiel said as Dean finally let him up. Dean cracked one eye open, apparently intrigued.

"Oh?"

"Something happened to you while I was gone," Castiel said softly, "no one wants to tell me what it was."

Dean stiffened beneath him and looked away, "it's uh, 's not a good time to talk about that Cas."

"I'm sorry," he said, sliding off the bed. 

"No," Dean paused, "look, Cas, when you left, it wasn't easy for me. Just don't worry about it, it's nothin' bad, okay? You wanna come help me with dinner?"

Castiel nodded, accepting Dean's response as the best he was going to get, "I think so."

"C'mon then, we've got a pretty big job ahead of us. You got a big family, Cas."

\- - -

Dean kicked everyone out of the kitchen. Charlie pretended to be annoyed, but once everyone else had cleared out she doubled back and grinned at the pair of them through the doorway. Dean shooed her away again as he crossed to the cabinets, digging out a massive bag of rice.

"Here," he said, pushing it over in front of the counter, "measure out uh, I don't know, thirty cups? There's a few pots under the counter, but we got a fuckton of people to feed." 

"What else are you making?" Castiel asked, ducking to find enough pots for the rice.

" _We're_ making chicken and vegetables. Thank God we have frozen veggies 'cause cutting and boiling that much food would be a pain in the ass."

"You know I'm not very good at this, Dean." 

Dean flashed him an encouraging smile, "that's why I'm here." Castiel just frowned at him and continued measuring rice into two large cooking pots. 

He measured the water carefully, double-checking before tipping it into the pot with the rice and placing the pots on the right hand burners, letting Dean turn the oven on. He watched as Dean dug bags of frozen vegetables out of a freezer dumping them into a pair of frying pans, the biggest ones he could find. 

Most of cooking dinner passed in the same way, Castiel would sit back and watch, only helping when Dean explicitly told him what to do. It seemed to amuse the man, and he ended up doing most of it on his own, asking Castiel for help with simple tasks, which Castiel was entirely okay with. He liked to watch Dean work, knew the man enjoyed cooking and he looked calm as he moved about the kitchen, completely at home in a way he never had been at the cabin.

It took just a little over an hour altogether, and by the time they were finishing up, Sam had started lining people up in the hall. Dean plated up food while Castiel filled jugs with ice and water to take to the library which had become a makeshift dining room since the angels had arrived. He was glad to help and made sure everyone had food - Sam, Charlie and Amelia included - before he and Dean sat down at the kitchen table with them. 

Dinner was busy in contrast to breakfast, Sam and Amelia chatted away to each other the whole time, and Charlie was eager to tell them about her conversations with Anna - apparently the two of them got along quite well, and Castiel was pleased. Dean was the only one who kept quiet, though Castiel assumed that was because he was tired, and he really couldn't blame him after how little sleep they had gotten the night before. 

He wondered briefly if Dean would say anything or if their arrangement would stay between the two of them. It was complicated, and Castiel was already tired of people asking him about Dean, about what he was going to do and how he felt. It was none of their business, what he decided to do.

It was uncomfortable to think about, and already he was wishing it was time to sleep, time for him to curl up next to Dean and let everything else fade away. He decided night time was his favourite time of day. 

Dean looked at him oddly, and Castiel realized he hadn't been paying attention to anything around him. He pulled up a smile and ate a forkful of rice, ignoring the way Dean shook his head at him.

\- - -

After dinner, Castiel just wanted to sleep, but instead he ended up back in the library, flipping through more books alongside Gabriel and Michael. His brothers were persistent, that much was certain, but at the moment, Castiel couldn't share their enthusiasm.

Gabriel called him grumpy, which he supposed was true. He had planned to have a shower after dinner and then sleep for as long as anyone would let him - not long, he supposed - but now he was sitting in a chair with his wings held up uncomfortably over the book, pouring over yet more inaccurate books. Right now, he was reading about Lucifer. 

Other than the topic, the book was generally passable. Most of the contest was, as far as Castiel could recollect, accurate. He didn't like reading it though, hated the way his brother was portrayed as evil from the start, and when he reached the chapter on Lucifer's banishment, he pushed the book in front of Gabriel, hunching over himself a little and pretending to find interest in a new book.

"Hey Mike," Gabriel said after a few minutes. The other archangel frowned at him, but gave him his attention. "Remember Luci's little tantrum when Dad told him to go? According to this, he took a bunch of stuff with him. Important stuff."

"How important?" Michael's eyes narrowed, disbelief clouding them, "I think I would know about that, Gabriel."

"Staff of Moses important," Gabriel shot back, "and I think I would too," he added in a mocking voice. "But I don't, and you don't and that doesn't necessarily mean it's not true, the rest of the book is pretty legit. C'mon, don't tell me you can't see them keeping something like that from us. You think Dad _wants_ people to know Luci's got hold of shit like that?"

Michael rolled his eyes, but conceded, coming to stand at the table between Castiel and Gabriel. His disbelief seemed to flicker away with each line he read, and his frown intensified. 

"It looks like we'll be going back and talking to Virgil sooner than expected," he turned to Castiel and smiled.

"Tomorrow," Castiel insisted, "I'm tired enough as it is now, we'll do it tomorrow."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel shifted closer, pressing into Dean, and he realized with startling clarity that he was hard, a spark of pleasure shooting up his spine. He tucked his chin down stifling a gasp, and for a minute he debated staying there despite the situation, warm and pleasantly aroused, but eventually Dean would wake up and find him pressed into his side with an erection and that wasn't something Castiel wanted to deal with this morning.

Everything was warm and Castiel was ridiculously comfortable. He didn't want to open his eyes for fear that he was dreaming and he would suddenly be back in the cold, hard factory. He knew that wasn't the case, but still, he didn't want to risk it. Instead, he hummed softly and leaned in toward the source of the heat, realizing belatedly that he was still in bed, and it was obviously Dean next to him, but that didn't matter because he was pleasantly sleepy and Dean was warm. His entire world right now consisted of this bed and Dean and it was perfect. 

Castiel shifted closer, pressing into Dean, and he realized with startling clarity that he was hard, a spark of pleasure shooting up his spine. He tucked his chin down stifling a gasp, and for a minute he debated staying there despite the situation, warm and pleasantly aroused, but eventually Dean would wake up and find him pressed into his side with an erection and that wasn't something Castiel wanted to deal with this morning. He still wasn't exactly sure where he stood with Dean; they were sharing a bed, yes, but that didn't mean this would necessarily be appreciated, as much as he as loath to move. For a moment, he didn't. The bed was soft and it was early and there were very few chances he was going to get to do this, but eventually the pleasantness faded away and he became hyper-aware of Dean's every movement, so he rolled onto his back for fear of waking Dean up. 

Settling back against his pillow, Castiel dragged his fingers across his chest and down his stomach, carefully avoiding slipping too low. He was too comfortable, and not about to move, awkward situations be damned. His cock twitched as he brushed over a nipple and he had to bite back a moan, cracking one eye open to peer at Dean, ensuring he was still asleep. Slumber confirmed, he smoothed one hand down his thigh, dragging it up to trace the outline of his length through his sleep pants. He curled his fingers around himself, letting out a breathy moan as he stroked upwards. 

Dean shifted next to him, grumbling in his sleep and Castiel's hand stilled, his eyes scanning Dean's face expectantly. Dean didn't wake up. He did, however, roll over and try to pull Castiel toward him, to no avail. Castiel ducked under his arm and rolled off the bed with a grunt, heading for the door. In the shower room he would have privacy, he would be able to think about Dean without being interrupted by the man himself. 

There had been a time when he would have felt guilty for thinking about Dean while he masturbated, but that had ended the first time he had given in to his thoughts and realized how much harder he came with Dean's image in his head. Just remembering, he was fully hard and palming himself a little desperately by the time he got to the shower room. 

With the door locked and shower started, Castiel stripped down, tugging his cock lightly as he stepped into the warm spray, soap and washcloth ignored. He tucked his wings against his back leaning back between them to rest his shoulders against the tiled wall. It was uncomfortable, but no more than the shower at the cabin had been, and it was warmer than the stream.

An image of Dean, naked and wading in the river by the cabin popped into his head, and he hummed, curling his fingers loosely around the head of his cock. He kept his touches soft, fleeting brushes of skin against heated skin, almost completely preoccupied with the pictures flashing behind closed eyes. Dean was beautiful, droplets of water sliding down his chest as he passed through the water, making straight for Castiel. His fingers left trails of fire on his skin, his cock hard as it pressed into Castiel's hip. 

Castiel groaned and jerked his hips forward, chasing the fantasy. His fingers gripped tighter as his imagined Dean took him in hand, stroking more roughly with each pass of his hand, the other reaching back to thread through Castiel's feathers. Castiel gasped, reaching over his shoulder to thread his fingers through his feathers. It was something he had resisted up until this point, no one had touched him like that but Dean, and he didn't want to replace those memories with his own touches, but the temptation was too much. 

He sunk his fingers into the damp feathers, dragging them along the spine of his wing. His hips pressed forward jerkily as the sensations overwhelmed him and he had to shift to spread his wings, draping them over the barriers of the shower stall. A groan echoed off the wall and Castiel only barely realized it has come from him, too deep in his fantasy to let himself focus on anything but the pleasure coursing through him. He had wanted to draw it out, to enjoy these few moments when he could indulge in _Dean_ , but he couldn't stop focusing on his fantasy, Dean rutting up against him now, both of them so desperate for release, and he wasn't going to last long. 

Fantasy Dean tensed against him, a tiny whimper escaping his lips and that image alone pushed Castiel over the edge, his one hand clenching around a fistful of feathers as he came hot and thick over his hand. His thighs shook as he stroked himself through it, eventually sliding down the wall and slumping against the tiles, head thrown back as he tried to catch his breath. 

He realized after a moment, that he was going to have to clean up before he went back into the bedroom; he was flushed and sticky and it would be blatantly obvious to anyone what he had been doing. Pushing himself up onto shaky legs, Castiel crossed the room, intentionally grabbing a bottle of body wash that he knew to be Dean's. He liked the smell of it, he reasoned with himself, and it wasn't as though he had any of his own anymore.

\- - -

Castiel ran into Dean in the hallway, stopping suddenly as a hand was pressed against his chest. He stepped back, looking up at Dean.

"You weren't there when I woke up," Dean said simply, and he sounded more concerned that Castiel thought was warranted. 

"I was in the shower," he replied, and Dean frowned at him. He looked like he was about to say something, but he stopped himself and took a step back, rolling his shoulders awkwardly. 

"I'm gonna go start breakfast - don't think anyone else is going to - you wanna come help?"

"I think Michael wants to talk to Virgil again, and he wants me to be with him when he does." The conversation was tense and Castiel couldn't figure out what had changed since they had gone to sleep the night before, but he pushed it aside in favour of more pressing matters. At the moment that included finding Michael, and avoiding Dean - he wasn't prepared to face him immediately after his shower. 

"You're gonna skip breakfast?" Dean sounded hopeful, as though he hoped Castiel would say no and follow him up to the kitchen. Castiel regretted having to say no, but he did have to find Michael and continue pushing forward with their plans. Dean just nodded silently, and mumbled something Castiel couldn't quite catch as he carried on down the hallway. 

Castiel was left with the feeling that he'd done something wrong, though he didn't know what. Even if Dean knew how he had spent his morning, the man seemed more upset than angry, and Castiel felt bad for leaving to go find Michael without knowing what was wrong, but he pushed himself to go anyway, listening as Dean's footsteps disappeared into the background.

He found Michael in the library, where he was talking to Uriel, presumably about the spell, but Castiel didn't listen in, and he didn't ask. Rather than interrupt, he sat down at the end of one table, quietly contemplating Dean's mood while he waited for the conversation to end. 

Castiel didn't notice when Uriel walked out of the room. He was preoccupied again, concerned about Dean's reaction and their relationship. Sighing, he turned to find Michael watching him.

"Is everything okay, brother?"

"I'm fine. You wanted to talk to Virgil again."

"I wanted _you_ to talk to him, Castiel. He won't listen to me."

"Of course," Castiel agreed, "shall we go now then?"

\- - -

Michael pulled the shelves out, revealing the hidden room as Castiel organized his thoughts. He had ever seen himself as someone with any power whatsoever to persuade and he wasn't sure Michael's faith wasn't misplaced, but he walked with confidence into Room 7B. Virgil eyed him suspiciously, his eyes darting briefly to where Michael waited by the entrance, his scowl pronounced as Castiel stepped forward, thighs just brushing the edge of the table.

"Has he sent you to do his dirty work? Because he doesn't want to deal with me himself?"

"I came on my own, I don't need to be told what to do," Castiel bit out. He took a breath, letting himself relax, "I came to ask for your help."

"I know you did."

"You're Father's weapons master, you must know where they are, I only ask for that information." He looked up, meeting Virgil's eyes for a moment, before the other angel turned away.

"I told your brother I'm not helping you," he sneered, "and why should I?"

"Why should you?" Castiel snorted, " _All_ of us have been ejected from our home, not just Michael, not just Gabriel. You may have reason to refuse to assist them, but what about the rest of them? Your brothers and sisters have done nothing to wrong you."

Virgil stayed silent, holding Castiel's gaze but refusing to speak. Michael was shifting behind them, presumably irritated, holding himself back from shouting at Virgil, and Castiel was glad for that. He had never been on the receiving end of Michael's wrath, but it was not something he wanted to witness. He took a look over his shoulder and Michael just nodded encouragingly. 

Castiel didn't know what to do. He wanted to be able to do this for his family, but Virgil didn't seem to be budging. He thought of the other angels, spread out around the bunker, no longer afraid but tired of this life, and he yearned to make things better for them. If there was nothing else he could do, he could at least try to convince Virgil to help them. 

"Please," he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper, "they just want to go home, you have to understand that."

"They?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes. All of them, and the others we haven't found, Virgil, please. You can end this, you can send us all home."

"No."

Castiel's fist was slammed against the table before he realized what he was doing, and Michael's hands were on his shoulders, pulling him back. 

"How can you deny them this?" he demanded, "We deserve to go home, _they_ deserve to go home!"

"Castiel," Michael hushed, "leave him."

Castiel pulled himself away angrily, momentarily forgetting whose hands he was pulling away from. He had promised Hael and Samandriel he would get them home, he had _promised_. There was no way to be sure the spell would do anything without all the relics, and he had to do something. 

"Tell me where they are," he leaned forward over the table, and this time Michael let him, standing just off to one side. Virgil kept perfectly still, holding Castiel's gaze and stubbornly refusing to speak. 

He didn't know how long they stayed there, both unwavering in their insistence, but it was Dean who eventually broke the silence. He heard his voice, quiet and uncertain - presumably talking to Michael, and for a moment Castiel refused to turn around, to give up, but when Michael's hand tugged at his shoulder, Castiel narrowed his eyes at Virgil before turning to face his brother. Behind him, Dean looked up almost guiltily, and Castiel tilted his head.

"Dean brought us breakfast," Michael said calmly, "I don't think you're going to get anything out of him right now, Castiel, you should eat."

"Michael-"

"Go, Castiel," he smiled softly, "we have time." Castiel sighed and turned away from the room, walking toward Dean. The man turned back to him with an understanding look and Castel let his shoulders drop, keeping his eyes away from Dean, but still taking the offered plate of food. 

He leaned against the wall in the hallway and curled his hand into a fist, sliding down to the floor. Dean crouched down in front of him, taking the plate away and setting it on the ground next to him.

"You're only one guy, Cas, you can't win 'em all."

"He's just being stubborn," Castiel growled, "there's no reason for him to be so stubborn, there's every reason for him to help!" He glared up at Dean, aware somewhere in the back of his mind that Dean was not to blame, but the rage the coursed through him didn't differentiate. 

"Hey," Dean breathed, leaning closer and brushing a hand down his arm, "Michael said you've still got time, right? You can try the spell, right? If it doesn't work, you can just go back and try again, can't you?"

"I don't know, Dean."

Dean scowled at him, "dude, I know you're pissed, but don't take it out on me."

Castiel scowled again, but glanced up to Dean, "I want to be alone, can I use your room?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Thank you," Castiel sighed, picking the plate up off the floor, "I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault." His eyes flicked up to Dean's briefly, not staying long enough for the words to leave his lips. 

"'S okay, you got a lot to deal with." 

He nodded, and Dean clapped a hand to his shoulder before he made his way down to the dorms.

\- - -

He switched the light off as soon as he had finished eating and lay down in the centre of the bed, facing the nothingness between him and the ceiling. There was too much to think about, too much to organize and plan out, and he didn't want the responsibility that he had unwittingly taken on. He didn't know what they would do if Virgil wouldn't help, too afraid to try the spell and have it fail. He wanted to get his siblings home, he wanted them to be happy, and they weren't. He wanted Dean to be happy, and from what Sam had told him, he wasn't. There didn't seem to be anything that could do, someone would end up hurt regardless.

After what seemed like an eternity of staring up into the blackness, he fumbled around to find the music player Dean had shown him earlier. A gift from Charlie, apparently. He tracked it down, finding it fallen down next to Dean's side of the bed, and slid the headphones over his ears, flicking through the music until he found something he knew.

There were a few that were still too close to his heart to listen to, a few he had listened to with Dean in the past that spoke to him on a personal level. One specific song came on, and Castiel skipped it before the first note could sound. It was different from the rest of Dean's music, calm and lilting, beautiful, and he couldn't bear to listen to the words right now. If he ever had to choose a song to describe the way he felt for Dean, that would be the one, plain and simple. He hadn't mean to fall in love with Dean, he couldn't help it, but maybe it had been meant to be from the start. 

He skipped ahead a few songs, settling on Led Zeppelin to push the more painful lyrics out of his head. _Tangerine_ was still playing when Dean knocked softly on the door and pushed it open. 

"Cas? You still in here?"

Without thinking, Castiel said the first thing in his head, "I don't want to wake up one day and realize you've been dead for a thousand years." His chest felt tight and he was almost afraid to breathe, lest the tornado of emotions be set free. 

"What?" Dean asked, sitting down gently beside him.

"The song I was listening to," Castiel sighed, "I- if I go home, one day I'll get up and I'll go about my day and one day I'll have to deal with the knowledge that you've been dead for hundreds of years, Dean. I don't want that."

"So, what do you want?" Dean asked cautiously. Castiel rolled away from him, facing the opposite wall. It was childish, and there was no point because Dean probably couldn't see him in the dark anyway, but it made him feel better to know the man couldn't see his face. 

"I don't know," he breathed, "but I'm not certain I want to go home."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're welcome," Gabriel smirked in Michael's direction, dropping into the nearest chair and kicking his feet up on the table. Michael just barely raised his eyes from the book he was reading. 
> 
> "Yes, Gabriel?" he asked, an air of irritation in his voice. 
> 
> "Your buddy Virgil's gonna talk," he said simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack! Sorry this update is so late at night. It was my Dad's birthday today, so I was busy immediately after work.  
> You guys are awesome <3

Dean didn't bring it up, and so neither did Castiel, the knowledge that he didn't know what he wanted hanging over them. They continued to work together - if Dean kept closer than usual, no one said anything about it - and Castiel still slept in Dean's room. In Dean's room he was safe, and he didn't have to think about anything but warm breath ruffling his hair and soft kisses pressed against the top of his head long after Dean thought he had fallen asleep. 

They didn't talk about it. They got to be together, and Castiel wasn't going to complain about it, especially seeing as they didn't see much of each other at any other time. Castiel spent most of his time in the library with Michael and the others, nose pressed into one book after another. He only saw Dean at night, at meal times or when the man silently slipped into the room to help with research, always sitting directly across from or next to Castiel, greeting him with the smallest of smiles. It felt like they were secret lovers, though nothing sexual was happening. 

Dean was encouraging when Castiel got frustrated about Virgil, or their lack of information, and more often than not Dean had to hold him back from shouting at someone in frustration. They had made little progress, and Michael was still wary of trying the spell for fear that without the relics it might lead them to a dead end. Still, Castiel felt each day like they were getting closer to their departure and the mounting pressure to make a decision was getting to him. 

It had been two days since Castiel's encounter with Virgil. On the third, Virgil gave in. 

Michael and Castiel were in the library as usual, the Winchesters with them, and Dean and Castiel were debating the legitimacy of a passage in an ancient journal, when Gabriel burst through the doors. His face was something between furious and overjoyed, and Castiel shared a concerned look with Dean before his brother spoke.

"You're welcome," he smirked in Michael's direction, dropping into the nearest chair and kicking his feet up on the table. Michael just barely raised his eyes from the book he was reading. 

"Yes, Gabriel?" he asked, an air of irritation in his voice. 

"Your buddy Virgil's gonna talk," he said simply, dropping into the chair next to Castiel's and frowning at the journal. 

"What did you do?" Michael asked immediately. Gabriel just shrugged.

"Not much, just threatened him a little. Biblical plagues and all that."

Michael was obviously not pleased, but Castiel couldn't hide his amusement, burying his face in Dean's shoulder to keep it from Michael. Sam shot them an odd look when Dean didn't react, but he turned back to Gabriel and Michael when neither Castiel nor the elder Winchester were forthcoming with any sort of explanation. 

"Gabriel," the look in Michael's eyes belied the startling calmness of his voice, and Castiel was sure if it was anyone but Gabriel he was facing down, they would have fled in terror by now. "Tell me what he said."

"He's not gonna do it without getting something in return. Obviously."

Michael's voice softened and some of the fury left it as he sighed, "what does he want?"

"Out. He wants you to let him go. And he wants to talk to _you_. Apparently Cassie made a bad impression."

Castiel frowned at that, but Michael nodded solemnly, "I'll talk to him." He turned away from Gabriel without another word, and it wasn't until he was safely out of the room that Gabriel leaned back in the chair. 

"If you want something done right, do it yourself," he grinned smugly. 

"Gabriel," Castiel warned, but he knew his words would go unheard, so he held back. While they waited for Michael to return, they turned back to their research. Castiel even managed to persuade Gabriel to help. 

__

\- - -

Michael returned with Virgil in tow, a relieved, if not vaguely irritated, expression on his face. He sat at the head of one of the tables with Virgil at his side, and without being told the others seated themselves around the same table.

"We have decided that Virgil will be released once he provides us with any information he has about the relics," Michael's tone was even, authoritative, and Castiel could tell he was displeased at the words coming out of his own mouth. "Speak," he said, regarding Virgil impatiently. 

When Virgil revealed that he didn't know the precise locations of any of the relics, Castiel wondered if he knew how lucky he was that Michael didn't have his powers. The fury of the archangel filled the room, and Gabriel had to hold his brother back from attacking Virgil. 

"Michael," Gabriel said sternly, once the other angel had calmed down enough to be released, "we still have the spell. You're obligated to let Virgil go, but we can perform the spell. He can help," he added, shooting a murderous glare at the angel now sitting at the opposite end of the table. Castiel watched the exchange, anxious of giving his opinion, lest one of his brothers lose their temper again. He did, however, add to Gabriel's comment.

"We have three archangels," he said calmly, "that's three relics we can locate. Nearly half of them." He looked to Michael with sincerity, "all we need to do is find the other ingredients for the spell. It's worth trying, at least."

"That, I can help with," Virgil put in before Michael could reply, "I have performed innumerable tracking spells in my time. I may not be able to give you the information you want, but I can ensure your spell works."

"Well what are we waiting for then?" Dean asked suddenly. He pushed his chair back and Castiel could feel the tension in him as he rose to his feet and regarded the rest of the table with impatience, "I can pretty much guarantee we have whatever shit we need lying around here somewhere." Castiel wanted to reach out to him, to ease the man's discomfort, but before he could do more than contemplate it, Dean was moving, almost to the doorway with Michael and Gabriel on his heels. 

The tracking spell was surprisingly simplistic, apart from needing the archangel's feathers, and Dean had been correct in his assumption that the brothers already had everything else the needed. They all gathered back around the table in the library as Dean laid out a world map on the smooth surface. Virgil performed the spell under Michael's strict gaze, and when it was done, Castiel stared down at the two remaining pieces of map, the only sections unscathed by the flames. 

One of them was in Canada, somewhere near the west coast at first glance, the second was in South America. The third-

"It's not on earth," Gabriel explained to the concerned expressions looking back at him, "and it's not in Heaven, which means-"

"Hell," Castiel said simply. He knew immediately what that meant, but for the sake of the Winchesters, he kept quiet, hoping Gabriel and Michael would do the same. 

"Yeah, Luci probably dragged it down with him when he had his little temper tantrum. Fuck up as much of Dad's shit as he could on his way out the door."

Michael nodded solemnly, and the angels shared a look that Castiel hoped he was lucky enough for Dean to have missed. Naturally, he hadn't. After a moment of silence, the hunter finally spoke up. 

"What?" he asked gruffly, "what aren't you telling me?"

"It's fine," Castiel soothed, resting a hand gently on Dean's forearm. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Bullshit, Cas. Tell me."

Castiel sighed, dropping his gaze, "we'll have to convince Lucifer to give up whatever relic he possesses."

"You're gonna go to Hell?" Dean caught on, his tone insinuation that it was the most idiotic thing he had heard in his life. It probably was, Castiel realized.

"He's our brother, Dean, we-"

"Fuck that. You're not going," Dean spat, pushing his chair back in anger. 

"Dean," he started, "we have a low enough chance of this working with three relics, we can't risk losing one of them, you have to understand that."

"I do, huh? And just how long have you had this genius plan?"

"Since we first discussed the spell," Michael interrupted. "Lucifer will _never_ help me, so Gabriel will go in my stead, Balthazar will accompany them because he and Gabriel are apparently inseparable," Michael just barely refrained from rolling his eyes before he continued, shooting a cautious glance in Dean's direction, "Castiel was Lucifer's favourite before he was banished. If anyone has a chance of convincing him, it's Cas."

Castiel shifted uncomfortably at the use of his nickname, carefully avoiding Dean's gaze.

"He what?"

"I adored Lucifer," Castiel started quietly, almost shocked by his own voice, "I followed him everywhere, and he told me stories of the other angels and the great events that took place on Earth. I was proud that I shared his dark wings, and he complimented them constantly. I was never closer to any of my siblings, until..." he trailed off, dropping his chin against his chest. 

A warm palm rested against his shoulder, pressing into his skin comfortingly. Castiel continued, "I went to him one day with questions of humanity, and he frowned at me, assuring me that humans we nothing but mistakes, vile creations that should have been destroyed before they had the chance to flourish. I tried to convince him that he was wrong, but... he never looked at me the same again, he barely acknowledged my existence, and I- it's not important. What is important is that if he remembers that friendship, and maybe I can persuade him to help us."

"I still don't like it."

"You don't get a choice," Gabriel hissed, "it's not your home in the balance. We appreciate everything you're doing, but don't you dare think you get to take charge here."

For once, it was Michael who softened the blow, "we aren't leaving immediately anyway. We want to ensure we have the remaining two relics before we consider speaking to Lucifer."

Dean didn't reply, just pulled his hand from Castiel's shoulder and stalked off toward the door. 

"Dean," Castiel sighed, slouching in his seat before sliding out to follow Dean, ignoring the looks the others sent him as he passed. 

He found Dean halfway down the hall toward the dorms, slumped against the wall like he had slid down it and couldn't be bothered to get back up again. Dean didn't look up when Castiel approached, just ducked his head. 

"You can't go," he mumbled, "you can't."

"I have to. I don't see why it bothers you so much."

"Why the hell do you think, Cas?" he shot back, his head snapping up to glare at Castiel. "You're going to _hell_. To talk to the devil. Brother or not, that's dangerous, and I can't- I already have to let you go, I can't- I..." he trailed off, dropping his head again. 

Castiel dropped to his knees, pressing Dean's legs down to the floor and shuffling close until he was sitting in the man's lap. He brushed his fingers under Dean's chin, gently lifting his head up. Dean immediately looked up, away from Castiel. 

"Look at me, Dean." Dean didn't look, and Castiel waited patiently, stroking his thumb over the line of Dean's jaw until the man finally met his gaze.

"Lucifer is my brother," Castiel said softly, "think about Sam. Would you ever hurt him?" Dean shook his head, eyes narrowing as if he couldn't believe the stupidity of the question, "would you ever allow others to harm him? Even if you were angry with him? Even if he had done something so terrible you never wanted to see him again, would you allow his suffering?"

"No," Dean said defeatedly.

"Lucifer won't harm me, nor will he allow others to," he pressed his forehead against Dean's and let his eyes drop shut. "I understand that you're scared, but I have to do this. For them."

"You don't even know what you want to do," Dean hesitated, then nodded slightly, encouraging Castiel to look at him. He did, exhaling slowly.

"No, but I know what they want, and I want to be able to give it to them."

Dean's hands cupped his cheeks, bringing his face right up against Dean's until their noses brushed together. Castiel shut his eyes as Dean brought their lips together, just barely long enough to be considered a kiss, before he pulled away again. 

"You're too good, you know that?"

\- - -

The following day they discussed plans to travel. Obviously obtaining the two relics they knew the locations of was going to be problematic, but Dean and Sam still seemed determined to help. They had narrowed down the locations to Vancouver and San Miguel, but it was still up for discussion who was to travel where, and when they would go.

"Michael and I had discussed my going with Sam," Virgil piped up, "because without my wings, I can easily pose as a human."

The silence that followed was awkward, and it was obvious the others had been as nervous about mentioning Virgil's lost wings as Castiel had been. 

"Sam?" Michael asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, he can come with me. I just have to talk to Amelia, but I was thinking of heading down south 'cause there's no way Dean's flying, but he's more likely to get on a plane than he is to sit here and let everyone else to the work."

Dean grinned weakly at his brother, and Castiel leaned in a little closer, just shy of touching him. 

"He's right," Dean confirmed, "whatever it takes, I'm gonna help get your feathery asses back up where they belong." 

"That including driving up to Canada, Deano?" Gabriel smirked. 

"I'll go with you," Castiel offered, "you shouldn't go alone, and we've concealed my wings in the past. I-"

Michael held a hand up to stop him, smiling. "Of course, Castiel. If Dean is sure he wants to make this sacrifice, and he can be certain to protect your identity, there is no reason for you not to go with him."

Castiel had definitely not been expecting that, and he gaped for a minute before he even considered responding. He felt Dean's knee bump against his own under the table, and he bit his lip to hold back a smile. 

"So that's it?" Balthazar piped up from the corner, "Cassie and Dean drive that beast up to Canada and we send Sam and the prisoner off on a plane to South America?"

"Balthazar," Michael warned, "Virgil is no longer our prisoner, he's helping us, and he is free to do as he will. But yes, it seems t to be a decent plan, as long as all parties agree." 

There were various other things to sort out, but Castiel tuned most of it out, focusing instead on the pressure against his leg, and the impending trip with Dean.

\- - -

The night that followed was frantic. Once Sam had spoken to Amelia and they had finalized their plans, Dean had spent an hour on the phone to bobby, coming back with he information that Bobby had contacts in both locations. He had spent an additional hour and a half on the phone with both parties, discussing plans to meet up and complaining about the long-distance phone charges.

Once everything had finally been sorted, and Amelia had all but insisted they quit for the night, Dean had made them all dinner and he and Castiel returned to their room. 

Tomorrow, they decided, they would set out tomorrow in an attempt to get to Vancouver and back in as little time as possible. Michael was certainly eager to get everything underway, and Castiel was not about to disagree with him. He had time to think about things on the drive. 

For now, he was content to set his plate on the floor and pull Dean's phone out of his hands. The hunter protested, insisting he had to arrange the meeting with Bobby's contact, but Castiel ignored him. He slid the phone onto the bedside table on his side of the bed, and pushed Dean back against the pillows, crawling up and pushing into Dean's arms. 

"It's all moving so fast," he sighed, as Dean's hand pushed through his hair, "I don't want to choose."

"You know whatever you choose, I'll respect your decision, right?"

"Yes."

"Come on, we should sleep. Gotta get up early tomorrow, right?" Dean nudged Castiel toward his side of the bed to turn the lamp off, as he leaned back to switch off his own. Then he was sliding down the bed and curling an arm around Castiel's waist. Dean pressed his nose into Castiel's hair, dropping soft kisses into his hair. 

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this," Castiel breathed, leaning up to meet Dean's mouth with his own. Dean kissed him back, desperate, but chaste, before pulling back to drop his head against Castiel's.

"I'm not."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shit," Dean muttered, clenching his fist in Castiel's feathers and drawing out another whimper. "Damnit, Cas," he breathed, meeting his eyes again, "I gotta go." 
> 
> Dean's tone was apologetic, regretful, and in that moment Castiel was willing to sabotage the entire project just to keep Dean there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, you guys, I'm so sorry I keep posting late! My computer is acting up big time and I was so distracted writing the next chapter that I totally forgot it was Sunday and I was supposed to be posting! Urgle. It'll probably be up around the same time next week, cos I work.

Castiel had to force himself out of bed in the morning, lest Dean wake up and he let himself be dragged back down into him. It was a pleasant thought, one that Castiel had been toying with since their reunion, but Dean was dangerous at this step in their plans; Castiel had to keep his mind clear until their way home was paved, and at that point only would he allow himself to think about what _he_ wanted, about whether he would follow his family or remain with Dean and his. 

Smiling down at the man sleeping beside him, it felt as though there was no choice whatsoever, but when he thought about Gabriel or Anna, his chest tightened uncomfortably at the thought of never seeing them again. He didn't have to think about it to know never seeing Dean again would bring a similar ache. 

Castiel slipped out of the bedroom, intending to find something for breakfast and find somewhere quiet to sit and think for a while. He didn't see Dean again until later that afternoon. 

The kitchen seemed like the best place to sit since Gabriel and Balthazar had invaded the library. It was quiet, and being between lunch and dinnertime, Castiel didn't expect to see anyone else. he definitely didn't expect to walk into the middle of a heated argument between Sam and Dean. 

"I never agreed to it!" Dean shouted at his brother.

"They're his family, you can't not let him go."

"Do _not_ do that, Sam. _Do not_. I get it, okay? But do you-" Dean stopped mid-sentence, his arms falling to his sides as he spotted Castiel in the doorway. 

"Dean," Castiel sighed, preparing for the shoot down that was inevitable, "you've travelled with me before and it was fine. I don't think you should go alone, and there's no one else to go with you."

"Charlie can come," Dean shot back, almost immediately. "If they find you, Cas-"

"They won't."

Dean rolled his eyes, and for a moment it was almost hard to think why Castiel was so inclined to be with this stubborn, frustrating human. In the corner of the room, Sam excused himself and wisely disappeared out the door as Dean stepped toward Castiel. 

"Cas-"

"I'm coming."

"Haven't we been through this enough times?"

"Too many. I went with you before and everything was fine. Michael is in agreement, I should go with you."

"You're stubborn as fuck."

"I could say the same for you," Castiel replied, pleased with himself. Dean huffed, his eyes still radiating something that could easily be mistaken for anger, were they not laced with concern. 

"You're not coming," he said, turning on his heel. 

"Don't you remember what I told you last time?"

Dean spun around, stalking forward until they were mere inches apart, his chest heaving. Castiel was struck with the sudden urge to kiss him, though that would either make Dean even angrier or lead them to fucking on the kitchen table which, as much fun as it sounded, was something Castiel was carefully trying to avoid. Apparently, his cock hadn't gotten the memo, because it twitched in anticipation as Dean pressed up into his personal space. 

"We're crossing the border Cas. You try and fly over, you're gonna have a hundred curious Canadians on your ass, and I'm not stopping if they find you." It was a lie, obviously, but Castiel drew back anyway, bumping his wings against the wall.

"You can't stop me," he replied defiantly. 

"Fine!" Dean threw his hands up, "fine, go, do whatever the hell you want!" Dean turned again, but Castiel caught his wrist before he could turn away fully, and before he realized what was happening, Dean was pressed against him, his hands on Castiel's cheeks as he kissed him, hard. Castiel kissed him back, not thinking about anything but the feeling of Dean's mouth against his own. 

Castiel dropped his chin when they broke apart, breathing heavily. Dean pressed his forehead against him with a sigh.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "I just-"

"Want to protect me," Castiel nodded, "I know. That's not going to stop me from coming with you."

Dean chuckled softly, humourlessly, shutting his eyes and dropping his head to Castiel's shoulder, "I know."

"Then perhaps we should get ready to go."

Dean pulled back and scowled at him, but conceded and grabbed Castiel's hand to lead him out of the kitchen.

\- - -

They left just after dinner that evening after Amelia finally quit shoving food at them and asking repeatedly if they needed anything. Dean smiled softly at her the whole time, and commented to Castiel after they'd left that she was going to be an amazing mother.

For the most part they were quiet, content to listen to Dean's music as they drove through the night. It was nearly two in the morning by the time they stopped for the evening and Dean checked them into the hotel while Castiel waited in the car. Dean was already groggy, and he snuck Castiel into the room with a hot hand on his lower back. 

The room was dark until Dean turned the light on, and though Castiel wasn't tired, he sat down on the bed immediately. Dean, on the other hand, stumbled into the room and dropped onto the bed, already half-conscious. He wormed his way out of his clothes with some difficulty, not getting up off the bed. Castiel rose up and checked the locks on the door for him, flicking the lights off on his way back to bed. He stripped out of his jeans, and rested on the edge of the mattress to tug off his shirt, but Dean reached up to him, curling an arm around his waist and pulling him down into the untidy blankets. 

"C'mere," he mumbled, snuggling up into Castiel's space. Dean made soft snuffling noises as he buried his face in Castiel's chest, and tilted his head to kiss up his chest and the under side of his chin. 

"Dean," Castiel breathed, a protest on his tongue, but he found he couldn't bring himself to stop the man, instead letting Dean's soft kisses continue along his shoulder blades, until they faded slowly into nothingness as Dean dropped into sleep.

\- - -

Dean dragged them both out of be at six am, and despite Castiel's protests, he woke up easily when Dean made him coffee and kissed his neck on his way to the bathroom. Castiel watched the door shut and ghosted his fingers over the back of his neck. Dean was testing every boundary, and Castiel couldn't even stop him, didn't want to. He shook off the lingering sensation and packed the last few of their things into Dean's duffel bag and waited for him to return.

Dean emerged from the bathroom a few moments later, still screwing the lid onto a tube of toothpaste. He threw the few toiletries into the bag, and checked to see if anyone was in the parking lot. When the coast was clear, Dean draped the blanket over his shoulders again, guiding him out to the car. 

They spent the rest of the day driving, stopping as little as possible. 

When they arrived at the second hotel, it was four am the following day, and Castiel's limbs ached and all he wanted to do was sprawl out over the king-sized bed and sleep. Dean settled down next to him, shoving him further onto his own side, and tugged a blanket up over both of them. He made no attempt to move closer or kiss the angel lying next to him, and Castiel cursed himself for missing the affection.

\- - -

Dean had to meet Bobby's contact at three o'clock, and their alarm went off at noon. Castiel had been awake for nearly an hour, lying on his stomach, facing into the room and pretending that he wasn't sulking. He had given Dean no good reason to treat him the way he had been, and yet the one time he didn't, it hurt.

He felt the bed dip before he heard Dean's irritated groans. The alarm turned off and Dean rolled toward him, but Cas kept his gaze turned away. 

"What d'you want for lunch?" he mumbled.

"I don't mind."

"Cas?" the warm hand on his shoulder startled him, "You okay?"

For a moment, Castiel considered rolling over and pinning Dean down to the bed, kissing every inch of him, but he pulled himself together and lied. "Just tired," he muttered, leaning his face further into the pillow.

"Suit yourself," Dean sighed, pushing off the bed. Castiel listened as Dean made his way around the room, gathering his coat and keys before uttering a quick goodbye and opening and closing the door behind him. The lock clicked shut, and Castiel closed his eyes. 

He knew Dean wouldn't be gone long, but the ache of separation was already growing in his chest. His mind returned to its fantasy of kissing Dean into the bed, and he realized how little time he had left to actually do that. They were here to find Gabriel's horn; one of the three relics to open the gate to Heaven. His stomach churned at the thought and he squeezed his eyes shut to try and force out the thoughts that plagued him. In a few days they would return. Sam and Virgil would return shortly after, and then he knew Michael would send them off to talk to Lucifer as soon as he could. Including the time it took to convince their estranged brother to help, that could only take a few days at the most, Earth time, and he would be gone for those days. He and Dean had, at the most, four or five days left together before, proving their plan worked, Castiel would be gone forever. 

He was sure he was going to be sick. 

Without permission, visions of Dean and a faceless woman popped into his head. 

Dean deserved someone to love, he could admit that, but the thought of him actively loving someone, coming home after a hunt to kiss her, take her to bed with him made him ache. They would have a child, eventually, and Dean would adore it. It was everything he had accidentally let slip that he wanted, and Castiel couldn't offer him that even if he stayed. He and Dean couldn't have a child, Castiel couldn't be seen; he would have to spend his entire life at the bunker. A small voice in the back of his head reminded him that he wouldn't actually mind that. He was completely willing to give up his freedom if he could stay with Dean, if Dean wanted him. 

The images in his mind switched from a faceless woman to himself in the kitchen with Dean, curled up on the couch, dragging him into bed after a hunt. He could help them too. What Sam and Dean didn't know about the supernatural, Castiel had had ingrained in his mind since his creation. He would be an asset, if they let him. And they may not have their own child, but Dean would have his niece, and Castiel would have as much or a little to do with her as Sam and Amelia wanted, though he suspected Sam at least, would be happy for his desire to help. 

Castiel was struck by the sudden realization that he knew, without a doubt, what he wanted. He wanted Dean, for as long as the man would have him. He wanted to wake up next to him every morning and cook with him, he wanted to be the one that Dean came home to, that Dean shared his life with. This time, there was no desire whatsoever, to return to Heaven with his family. 

Unshed tears stung the back of his eyes, and his head ached with a pain to rival that in his chest. He could never have that; he needed Dean to be happy, and he couldn't give Dean what he really wanted. Castiel would go back to Heaven with the other angels because he was capable of making _them_ happy. That was something he could do. He would continue to watch over Dean for the rest of his life, and he would do what he could to ease the suffering that he knew both Winchesters had to endure with their work, but he would never descend to visit them again. 

Clenching his fists and taking a deep breath, Castiel sat up. He had spent millenia doing only what he was told, a mere year on Earth couldn't erase that, could it? Going home would be easier once he was there, once routine was restored. He settled himself in the centre of the bed, mentally listing off his tasks and the order they would be completed in. In less than a week he would return home, he would share a bunk with Balthazar, and he would forget any emotional attachment to Dean Winchester. It was the only way he would be able to carry on without him.

\- - -

Dean took longer than Castiel had anticipated, pushing through the door shortly before he would have to set out again. He set the bag of food on the kitchenette counter and crossed to sit at the end of the bed. Castiel looked up and smiled tersely, implementing his plan to distance himself from Dean, and hoping his still-warring emotions didn't show on his face.

Apparently they did, because Dean frowned as Castiel scooted down the bed to sit beside him. 

"Everything alright?"

"I'm just concerned," he lied, "are you sure we're able to trust Bobby's contact?"

"Bobby wouldn't set me up for failure, Cas. Whoever this guy is we can trust him. Besides, Bobby's probably given him a fake story that has nothing at all to do with angels. All he's doing is showing me where to find the thing 'cause I got no clue where I'm going up here." 

Castiel nodded, but didn't reply. He knew, of course, that Bobby loved Sam and Dean like they were his own sons, that he would never do anything to hurt either of them, but he was still anxious for Dean to leave, accompanied only by a complete stranger. They sat in silence for a few moments until Dean dropped a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"I gotta get goin'." 

Castiel's feathers ruffled in agitation, but he stayed still. Dean's hand brushed down his arm, fingers grazing his own as Dean pushed himself up off the bed. Castiel watched him go, the ache in his chest growing with each step the man took. 

His legs carried him after Dean without his permission, barely thinking as he laid a hand on Dean's shoulder. They were directly in front of the door when Dean turned around, shocked to find Castiel so close behind. He opened his mouth to say something, but the sound was muffled as Castiel surged forward, pressing their mouths together. 

Dean's shock was obvious, but as Castiel's hands slid up Dean's neck, the man relaxed into the kiss, curling his arms around Castiel's waist to draw him closer. Every decision Castiel had made went out the window as Dean's fingers brushed against his skin, and he brought his wings up to arch over them, brushing against the nape of Dean's neck, a soft contrast to the rough desperation of their kiss. He needed it, needed to be as close to Dean as physically possible, pressing his entire body against Dean as the man bumped back into the closed door. 

Blunt nails pushed up his back and dragged back down again until Dean's hands were cupping his ass, drawing him closer so Castiel could feel the effect he was having on him. He moaned softly as Dean's tongue pushed into his mouth, needy and insistent, and his hips rolled forward instinctively, drawing a quiet gasp from Dean. The hunter had them flipped in seconds, pressing his knee between Castiel's thighs and pushing against his erection. 

Dean's hand brushed up his back, fingers pushing through the downy feathers at the base of his wing, and Castiel shivered, letting out a strangled whine. He was sure if Dean wasn't pressing him so roughly against the door, that his knees would give out with the sparks shooting through him. 

" _Dean_ ," he gasped in the space their mouths separated, "Dean." The man drew back from him, panting, as if some spell was broken. His face was flushed, and his eyes were wide with arousal and it took everything in him for Castiel to not drag him back against him.

"Shit," Dean muttered, clenching his fist in Castiel's feathers and drawing out another whimper. "Damnit, Cas," he breathed, meeting his eyes again, "I gotta go." 

Dean's tone was apologetic, regretful, and in that moment Castiel was willing to sabotage the entire project just to keep Dean there with him. 

"Stay."

Dean chuckled, "the hell, man? You've been keeping me at arm's length since the factory, and now this?"

Castiel frowned, silently praying that Dean wouldn't let him go. "I know," he sighed, "Dean, I-" Dean cut him off, leaning in and brushing his lips over the shell of Castiel's ear. 

"If you still want this when I get back, you know I'm all yours." His voice was barely a whisper, and he pressed in closer, leaning his elbows against the door as he sealed their lips together again. "You know I want you more than anything." He pulled away before Castiel could reply. "I'll be back as soon as I can, I swear."

"I know," Castiel nodded, smiling as Dean guided him out of the way of the door and pressed a final kiss to his lips before stepping outside.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes followed his fingers, watching as they curved around Dean's arm, as if he could see through the fabric of his shirts to where the mark lay. A sharp intake of breath drew his focus, and Castiel's eyes snapped up to Dean's. 
> 
> "Hey."
> 
> "Hello."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your lovely comments and kudos!  
> And for putting up with what I like to pretend is a posting schedule.  
> You're all awesome <3
> 
> EDIT: I've just been informed that we're expecting a hurricane tomorrow, and the chances of losing power/internet are pretty good, so just a heads up that next week's chapter may be late.

It was late evening before Dean returned, and Castiel was all but vibrating with a combination of need and anxious anticipation. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to keep still and picking at the edge of the blanket when the door opened. 

Castiel straightened immediately, his heart pounding in his chest as Dean came through the doorway carrying what looked like a bundle of fabric in his arms. He smiled somewhat nervously over at Castiel and laid the bundle down on one of the tables, clearing a space for it in his duffel bag.

"You got it?" Castiel asked, keeping the unease from his voice.

"Yeah, went pretty smoothly once we figured out where we were going."

"Good."

"Yeah, Tom was incredibly helpful, great guy."

Castiel nodded and his stomach turned again, nervous anxiety curling in his gut. "Good... so we should..." he stopped himself, afraid that Dean might take him up on his offer if he suggested they leave. 

"Yeah, uh..." Dean turned toward the bed, brushing his hands on his jeans. The tension in the air was thick, and Castiel felt like he couldn't breathe. Dean stood in front of him, fingers twitching against his thighs, and Castiel was sure he was going to explode. His cock twitched in anticipation and he curled his fist into the bedspread, turning to look up at Dean. The man's eyes were bright, even in the dark room, searching, and it was all Castiel could do to get his body to move. He had never wanted so badly in his life, and he couldn't feel guilty about it, despite having already gone back on his decision. 

"Cas do you-"

Castiel stood abruptly, cutting off the end of Dean's sentence, "yes," he breathed automatically. There was less than an inch between them, and Castiel lifted his hand gingerly, sliding it up Dean's chest and over his shoulder to rest over the mark he left on Dean's shoulder. His eyes followed his fingers, watching as they curved around Dean's arm, as if he could see through the fabric of his shirts to where the mark lay. A sharp intake of breath drew his focus, and Castiel's eyes snapped up to Dean's. 

"Hey."

"Hello," Castiel smiled in response, trailing his fingertips back up to Dean's neck, taking his time to brush over his jaw and lips. Dean followed the motion with his eyes, his breath coming quick and uneven. When Castiel slid his hand to cup the back of Dean's neck, the man's eyes met his again, expectant and dark with desire. Castiel leaned forward, tilting Dean's head to fit their lips together softly. 

As though a spell had been broken, Dean surged forward, and despite the arm curling around his waist, Castiel had to flare his wings to keep from stumbling backward with the urgency of it. Something crashed to the floor behind him, but he ignored it in favour of wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him back with equal force. Dean's hand pressed up, dragging through the feathers at the joint of Castiel's wing. He cried out, and arched against Dean, pushing his tongue into his mouth and groaning against him. A wave of heat rolled up his back as Dean pushed back, claiming his mouth. Their lips slid together slowly, dragging against each other, hands mimicking the same hesitance as they mapped out each others' bodies, re-learning each dip and curve. 

Castiel whined when Dean's hands pulled off of him and fell to his belt, but as soon as he caught up, he pulled his own hands away. They fumbled with their belts and jeans, fingers bumping awkwardly, but mouths unwilling to separate. Dean groaned in relief when he pushed his jeans down his hips. Reaching over to do the same with Castiel's, he took them both in hand, jerking them roughly in his desperation. 

Castiel broke the kiss with a gasp, driving his hips forward as his head fell against Dean's chest. He had forgotten how much better it could be with someone else, with Dean's hand on him rather than his own. His wings twitched and Dean smiled against his lips, breathless as he mumbled words of praise into his mouth. 

Castiel managed to get his hands under the hem of Dean's shirt, alternating pushing it up and pressing himself against Dean to the point where he couldn't actually move the fabric any further. When he finally got it off, he tossed it away blindly, manoeuvring to try and undo the clasps of his own shirt. It was easy enough normally, but with pleasure coursing through him and another body pressed flush against his own, he could barely find the clasps before his fingers slipped. Dean's impatience got the better of him, and he pulled one of Castiel's hands down to curl around their cocks, pumping a few times along with him before reaching around with both hands. 

Dean growled as he failed to undo the fasteners and eventually gave up, pulling the front of the shirt up over Castiel's head and breaking the kiss to press his lips to the bare skin of Castiel's chest. Dean chuckled lightly at his protests, until Castiel pulled away.

"Dean," he growled, turning around and leaning back, less than subtle. Dean grinned and pressed his face into the back of Castiel's neck, pressing kisses there as he worked Castiel's shirt over his head. He pressed close, pushing the fabric out of the way and burying his fingers in the smooth blackness of Castiel's wings, drawing a shuddering breath from his lips. 

"That what you want, Cas?" he asked, rocking his hips forward as his fingers slid through the dark plumage. Castiel's wings flared and Dean pressed in closer, tilting until Castiel could feel his hot breath on his wing joints. He arched his back, squirming under Dean's touch. The man was overly pleased with himself, lowering his mouth to the junction where skin met feathers, and humming against him. 

The cry that escaped Castiel's lips was loud and high-pitched, so much so that he almost didn't realize that it had come from him until Dean chuckled into his wing, biting down gently. In a flash, Castiel spun around, holding Dean's gaze for an instant before walking him backward and shoving him forcefully onto the bed. Dean gaped up at him, shock mixed with pure arousal in his every feature. Castiel swiftly tugged his jeans and boxers over his feet, and throwing them aside. He moved to stand before Dean, but the man curled his hands around the back of Castiel's thighs, digging his nails in until Castiel dropped to his knees, held up by Dean's hands coming up to cup his ass. 

He gasped and thrust forward shallowly as Dean's lips pressed hot and wet against the head of his cock. He shivered and dropped forward, wings flaring behind him as he clamped his hands around Dean's shoulders.

" _Ah_ ," he groaned, "Dean fu-" he was cut off as Dean sucked him down completely, flattening his tongue against the underside of his cock and pulling back just far enough to curl around the head before sinking down on him again. 

Dean took him apart easily with his lips and tongue, sucking him down until Castiel was gasping, his head pressed hard against Dean's, knuckles white where they gripped his shoulders. Castiel was shaking as he pulled away and shoved Dean back against the mattress, crawling over him. He kicked his own pants off as his teeth found the sensitive skin behind Dean's ear, nipping and sucking at the same spot until Dean was writhing beneath him, hips jerking up and seeking friction.

"Fuck me," Dean breathed, wrapping a hand around the back of Castiel's neck to force eye contact, "I want you to fuck me."

Castiel practically growled at the demand, leaning down to catch Dean's mouth in a heated kiss, "we don't have-"

"My bag. Babe, please." 

Castiel faltered at the pet name, drawing back slightly before breaking into a grin and bending to kiss the man beneath him, gentle this time, with one hand smoothing over his chest. Dean's eyes blinked open as Castiel pulled away, following him as he pushed off the bed and crossed the room. The bottle of lube was tucked into the side pocket, along with a selection of other items that had Castiel raising an eyebrow in Dean's direction.

"Shut up," he muttered, "I haven't been with anyone since you left. It's been a while." Castiel stared at him for a moment before dropping onto the bed and straddling Dean's thighs.

"No one?" he asked. Possessiveness flared in his chest as Dean shook his head. He gasped as Castiel crashed their lips together, grinding his hips down hard. Dean's arms came up around his shoulders, but Castiel pulled away, pushing Dean's legs apart and settling between them. He flipped the lid on the bottle and dipped to mouth at Dean's inner thigh as he warmed the gel between his fingers.

At the first press against his entrance, Dean let out a long groan, and pulled his knees up so quickly that Castiel had to duck out of the way. He huffed a laugh as Dean breathed out apologies, abruptly cutting him off as he pushed one finger in to the first knuckle. 

"Oh _fuck_ , Cas." Dean's voice was already shaky, and Castiel was tempted to see how long he could draw it out, but he was already aching for it, barely refraining from rutting against the bed as he pushed a second finger in alongside the first. 

Dean was whining and shaking, one leg hooked over Castiel's shoulder by the time he had three fingers inside him. He pushed back hard, digging his nails into Castiel's thighs. 

"C'mon, babe, _fuck me_." 

Castiel growled into Dean's hip as he withdrew his hand, tilting to mouth at Dean's leaking cock until the man was writhing beneath him.

" _Please_ ," Dean whined, "fuck, I need you baby, please."

Castiel complied, drawing away long enough to prep himself before he was leaning back over Dean, and aligning himself. He pushed in slowly, shutting his eyes to the tight heat pressing around him. Dean pushed back on him and Castiel grunted, sliding the rest of the way in one smooth motion. 

" _Dean_ ," he groaned, shifting to lean over Dean, and kissing the crook of his neck as strong legs wrapped around his hips.

"Move Cas, I'm good," Dean breathed into his ear, punctuating the request with a roll of his hips that had Castiel cursing breathlessly into Dean's shoulder.

Castiel drew back, shaky in his attempt to keep control, and thrust back in hard. He shut his eyes as he pulled slowly back again, surprised to find Dean's fingers seeking out his own as he repeated his previous motion. Dean gripped his hands tightly as Cas slammed into him again before easing into a steady rhythm. 

Castiel pushed Dean's hands up as he draped himself over Dean sliding their entwined fingers above Dean's head. He kissed him deeply, muffling the man's moans with his mouth, hips pistoning in and out desperately 

He had no warning before Dean flipped them, pushing Castiel down so that his wings were spread awkwardly beneath him. Dean's lips found his jaw then slid back along his neck whispering roughly, lust tainting his voice

"You feel fucking amazing baby," Dean groaned. Heat seared through Castiel's entire body at the words, and he jerked his hips sharply.

" _Fuck_ , Dean," he grunted, which only seemed to encourage the man. Arousal pooled hot in his gut, already to push him over the edge as Dean took control, rocking back on his cock and dragging his nails down Castiel's chest. Castiel moaned with each roll of hips, one hand firm on Dean's hip as the other travelled down to curl around his length

The sound Dean made when Castiel started stroking him nearly undid him, and he pulled his knees up for better leverage, feet flat against the bed as the hand on Dean's hip pulled him forward. Dean dropped down with little encouragement, breathing hot against Castiel's neck and mouthing at any patch of skin his lips could reach.

"Feels so fucking good, Cas," he praised, his tongue tracing the shell of Castiel's ear, "fuck me, baby, _fuck me_."

Cas thrust up harder, pushing his free hand into Dean's hair and crushing their lips together. Dean tugged at his bottom lip, now meeting Castiel's every thrust.

"God I fucking missed you baby," he breathed, "wanted you so bad."

Castiel dropped his head back, letting Dean bite and suck his way across the tender flesh, "me too," he groaned.

"Jesus, Cas I'm so- " Dean's breath hitched at a particularly hard thrust and he pressed his face into Castiel's neck. 

Castiel growled low and rolled Dean onto his back, thrusting hard at a new angle that made Dean yelp and bite his lip, his features contorted in pleasure.

"Oh _fuck_ , Cas! Yeah, just like that, right there- _fuck_!" Dean babbled as Castiel kissed him, but with the next thrust he cried out, throwing his head back. Castiel dropped to his elbows, sealing his mouth over Dean's as he fucked into him drawing closer and closer to the edge with each of Dean's muffled exclamations.

He pulled back to breathe, dropping down to kiss Dean's chest. His rhythm faltered and he pressed his nose into Dean's skin.

"I love you"

He wasn't sure which of them said it, but it didn't matter because he echoed the words, mumbling them over and over until strong hands cupped his face and pulled him into a fevered kiss, all tongue and teeth and no finesse.

"Cas," Dean stuttered, "'m gonna come, baby, fuck-" a loud moan ripped from Dean's throat as Castiel fucked into him harder, the angel's forehead pressed hard against his shoulder. 

Dean came with a wordless shout against Castiel's lips, hands slipping into his hair as he thrust against him, spurting between their bodies with stuttering breath and a litany of faint whimpers. Castiel rode through it, kissing him and sliding his hand back over Dean's scar.

Castiel followed shortly after, his entire body seizing as he thrust hard and deep. His arms wound tightly around Dean's back as he rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm, Dean's voice just barely audible, mumbling _'I love you's_ as he peppered Castiel's neck and chest with soft, wet kisses. 

Castiel's entire body still felt like it was on fire as his head dropped back onto the pillow, like he was burning up from the inside out. As he came down, he was aware of Dean next to him, stretching up to kiss him despite the layer of sweat that covered Castiel's skin. Dean hummed against his lips and Castiel smiled as he turned onto his side, one wing curling around Dean's side to pull him up next to him. Castiel fitted his hand over Dean's hip and shuffled forward, closing the distance between them, wrinkling his nose as Dean pushed his leg between Castiel's knees with a grin. 

Dean's fingers grazed his cheek, curling into the hair behind Castiel's ear, "I love you," he whispered, still breathless.

"I love you," Castiel repeated.

"Y'know," Dean hummed, kissing Castiel's forehead, his nose, his lips, "we could stay an extra day," his eyes flicked up to meet Castiel's, "just us."

"Dean," Castiel sighed, looking fondly at him, "we can do anything you want at home, there's more space" when Dean frowned at him, he added, "and the showers are bigger."

A grin broke out across Dean's face, "I can get on board with that." He nuzzled into the crook of Castiel's neck, breathing hot on his skin.

"Dean," Castiel chided, the smile in his eyes belying his tone, "it's late. We should sleep."

"You're no fun, Cas."

"I'm fun," Castiel argued, brushing his primaries over Dean's cheek, "but I'll be more fun once we get back to the bunker."

"We should leave early then," Dean hummed, settling his head next to Castiel's on the pillow, "don't wanna waste any time."

"I meant we should sleep _after_ I've had a shower." Castiel slid out of Dean's touch and off the bed. 

"Like I said, no fun." 

Castiel shot a look over his shoulder, "I may need help with my wings." Dean was out of bed and following him across the room before Castiel even turned around. 

Dean ushered him into the bathroom with renewed enthusiasm, pushing him through the door. Castiel expected him to let him go then, but Dean crowded him into the shower stall , stroking as far as he could along Castiel's wings. 

Castiel's cock twitched despite the looseness still lingering in his limbs, but he jumped as a spray of cold water hit his back. Dean huffed a muffled laugh, leaning over his shoulder to press their lips together clumsily. He smiled at Castiel's quiet gasp, even as the water warmed slowly and Dean's fingers moved inward. 

"Learn forward, babe." 

Castiel complied, resting on his crossed arms against the tiles. A shiver ran down his spine at the first slide of soapy fingers between his fingers, and he only just muffled his groan as they worked deeper into his plumage. 

Dean worked thoroughly, sleeking and straightening the feathers that Castiel was sure were a disaster. Since he had left, no one had touched his wings, not even he had done more than make pathetic attempts to shake his feathers into place, and now Dean's unrestrained touch was all the more intense. Arousal pooled hot and heavy in his gut, and despite the intensity of his earlier orgasm, Castiel found himself growing hard again.

The needy whine that escaped his lips slowed Dean's touches, his hands sliding inward to run smoothly up his spine. Castiel nearly cried out, biting down on his wrist as fingertips passed over his wing joins. Dean moved in, leaning close enough to Castiel's ear to reroute the steady stream of water away from Castiel's face.

"I forgot how much this affects you," Dean breathed, punctuating his words with lazy kisses up Castiel's shoulder. "You're so beautiful, Cas, so beautiful. You want me to take care of that?" he asked, one hand already slipping dangerously low on Castiel's hip.

"Just... finish, please."

Dean only hummed in response, but his hand withdrew, shortly threading back into Castiel's wing.

By the time Dean had worked his way to the primaries, Castiel was shaking and so aroused that not even the cooling water rolling down his back did anything to ease his erection. His wings snapped tight against his back the second Dean stepped away, the man hovering over his right side.

"You want me to dry them first?" he asked. Castiel didn't reply, all of his energy focused on keeping his legs from giving out beneath him. "There's a blow dryer in the dresser, it'll be less sensitive than using a towel if we keep it on low."

"Please," Castiel sighed, not entirely sure what he was asking for. Dean apparently had some idea, because he turned off the tap and eased Castiel out of the shower without touching his wings again. When he had dried off himself, Dean draped the biggest of the towels over Castiel's wings, going into the room ahead of him to lay a second towel over the already dirty bedspread.

Castiel followed after Dean turned on one of the bedside lamps, settling himself over the second towel as Dean tugged what appeared to be a mess of cords out of a drawer.

The dryer was warm and did nothing to curb Castiel's arousal, nor did the ruffle of his feathers or the soft kisses pressed into the skin at the back of his neck. By the time Dean set the hair dryer aside again, Castiel was nearly frantic for release, his cock dripping pre-come that eased the way as deft fingers curled almost instantly around his length. He cried out in relief pushing back hard against Dean's chest, his head falling heavy on the man's shoulders.

Dean stroked him firm and slow, matching Castiel's rhythm as his hips rose off the bed. It barely took any time at all before Castiel was coming, shaking and gasping as Dean stroked him through it, somehow managing to contain most of the mess.

He was entirely boneless, lying slumped in Dean's lap as the man ran a soothing hand over his stomach. He could feel the press of Dean's erection against his back, but as he moved to face the man, Dean stopped him.

" _Dean_." 

"'S okay Cas, I'm tired," he tilted Castiel's head back, dipping to kiss him briefly before he slid off the bed, making for the bathroom.

When he returned, he held a wash cloth in one hand, using the other to tug the dirty bedspread off, tossing it to the floor for room service to deal with in the morning. He settled next to Castiel, cleaning the remaining mess from his abdomen and tossing the cloth away.

When Dean smiled sleepily at him, Castiel rolled onto his side, tucking his head under Dean's chin. His wings curled around, brushing soothingly up his partner's spine as Dean's arm draped over his waist. 

"Is this-" Dean started, cutting himself off when Castiel's wing stopped moving. "Is this just for now?"

"No," Castiel hummed, resuming the motion of his wing, "I'd like for us to be together- at least until I leave."

"Why the change of heart?"

"I realized that whether or not I'm here, whether or not we're together, I will always love you. Where's the point in denying that when you're right beside me."

Dean's arm pressed tighter around him, "I love you too, Cas." 

Castiel hummed contentedly as he settled into deans arms, feeling more content than he had in the last eight months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this chapter was literally just porn. Not even sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voice that replied was chirpy, "hey, Cas, how's it going? Things go okay yesterday?" Dean chose that exact moment to roll over, pressing a kiss to the underside of Castiel's jaw as his arm wormed over the angel's chest.
> 
> "Who's on the phone, babe?"
> 
> Charlie stifled a laugh over the line and cleared her throat, "apparently things went _very_ well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha. So, it turns out I didn't plan this chapter out very well, so I improvised... I hope you guys weren't expecting a lot of plot this week XD
> 
> FlailingZombie read over this one for me, so I really only edited spelling and I apologize if there's still mistakes, but I've spent literally all day working on this and I don't want to look at it anymore right now.
> 
>  
> 
>  **EDIT:** I'm really angry with myself for making this it's own fic, rather than just continuing on after If I Should Fall From Grace, so I'm debating deleting this one and adding them on to the original, especially seeing as the original third instalment is going to end up being much shorter than anticipated. Ugh. If you guys have any opinions on this I'd like to hear them c:

Castiel woke to Dean's phone blaring a familiar tune in his ear. Dean grumbled a half-conscious 'just answer it' and Castiel frowned at him, but reached over the lump of his body to grab the phone from the bedside table. Dean stirred next to him as Castiel pressed the 'answer' button, speaking quietly into the receiver. His voice was rough with sleep as he mumbled, "hello?"

The voice that replied was chirpy, "hey, Cas, how's it going? Things go okay yesterday?" Dean chose that exact moment to roll over, pressing a kiss to the underside of Castiel's jaw as his arm wormed over the angel's chest.

"Who's on the phone, babe?"

Charlie stifled a laugh over the line and cleared her throat, "apparently things went _very_ well. I take it Dean _is_ there then."

"He's still mostly asleep," Castiel mumbled, blatantly ignoring the man as Dean's mouth travelled lower. He shrugged one shoulder to try and dissuade Dean, but he got a muffled laugh in return as Dean reached up and took the phone from him.

"Morning Charlie. Yeah, everything was okay, we got the horn. Cas and I are heading home-" he turned to glance out the window and groaned at the darkness, "soon, I guess." 

Castiel tuned out as Dean continued to talk, taking his revenge by nuzzling into Dean's neck, nipping at the sensitive skin until Dean shot him a look, obviously trying not to smile. He rolled onto his side, hooking one knee over Dean's, and Dean switched hands to hold the phone, sliding his now-free arm under Castiel and curling it around him to draw him closer. 

"Mmhm," he mumbled, "yep. No, Charlie, I'm totally paying attention." Castiel grinned, pressing his hardening cock into Dean's thigh. The strangled groan Dean let out was satisfying enough, but when he rolled Castiel onto his back suddenly, straddling his hips and pinning him against the bed, Castiel smirked up at him. 

"'M gonna have to go Charlie, gotta get out of here early and all that," Dean's eyes locked on Castiel's as he spoke, not wavering in the slightest. In the sudden silence, Castiel could just make out Charlie's disbelieving tone over the line before Dean hung up the phone and tossed it away. 

"You want something?" he grinned, one eyebrow arching in amusement. Castiel looked up at him, feigning innocence. 

"No," Castiel hummed, reaching out to trace the line of Dean's jaw with his fingertips. He drew him down, kissing him softly, "why?"

"You're an ass," Dean replied, nipping at Castiel's bottom lip.

"So are you."

Dean groaned as Castiel rolled his hips up, pressing his obvious erection against Dean's, "stop that," he grinned, "we have to get up."

"Five more minutes," Castiel breathed into his neck.

"You _know_ it won't just be five minutes." Dean rolled onto his back and swung his legs over the edge of the bed as he pushed himself up. "Get up, lazy." 

Castiel just groaned and rolled over so his face was pressed into the pillow.

\- - -

They left shortly after, despite Castiel's protests, and drove straight through so it would be dark when they hit the border. The later it was, the better, Dean insisted, assuring Castiel that if he flew over the border in the daylight, _someone_ was bound to see him, and that was the last thing either of them needed.

They stopped overnight once they were just far enough past the border that no one would question them, pulled off the road under a cover of trees. They slipped into the back seat, Castiel leaning against one window with Dean in his lap, pressed against his chest, his wings wrapped uncomfortable around them both. 

At some point during the night, Dean fell asleep, and despite his powerful irritation at the fact that Dean could sleep comfortably while Castiel's wings ached in the cramped space, Castiel didn't wake him. He waited until the sun was rising to nudge Dean awake, and was instantly reprimanded for letting him sleep when Castiel himself couldn't.

\- - -

Gabriel was waiting for them when they returned to the bunker nearly two days later, exhausted and jittery from too much coffee and too little sleep. Castiel tried to push past his brother, but the archangel stopped him, regarding him with a knowing look and the barest hint of a smile.

"Things go okay? You two look rough." 

"Things went fine," Castiel forced a smile through his impatience, "Dean recovered the relic with no trouble, but neither of us have slept properly since we left Canada, so if you don't mind..." he slipped around Gabriel, not even waiting when his brother stopped Dean behind him. Dean would make up his own excuse and follow after him, but right now Castiel wanted nothing more than to sink into the soft comfort that was Dean's memory foam mattress. 

He pushed the bedroom door open, dropping his things and stripping out of his jeans as he crossed the room. Not bothering with the clasps on his shirt, he dropped forward onto the bed and crawled up just far enough to lay his head on the pillow before he was asleep.

\- - -

Castiel was woken up by the brush of fingers against his lower back, and a muttered curse as he shifted under the touch.

"Sorry," Dean murmured, "go back to sleep."

"What are you doing?" Castiel mumbled, rolling groggily onto his side.

"Just tryin' to make you more comfortable, sit up for a sec."

Castiel did as he was asked, pushing himself into a sitting position so Dean could tug his shirt up over his head. Shivers ran up his sides in the wake of Dean's fingers and for the first time he realized that the man was much more awake than he had been when they arrived back at the bunker. Dean kissed his chest and pressed him gently back against the mattress. 

"What did Gabriel say to you?"

Dean chuckled, "not much. Wanted to see the horn, gave me one of those big brother looks like he knows what's going on and he'll smite me if I hurt you..." he trailed off with a shrug and Castiel grinned up at him until Dean made to get up. 

"Aren't you coming to bed?"

"Nah, I got a couple hours last nigh, I'm gonna go see Michael before he wears a hole through the floor with his pacing. Go back to sleep, I'll wake you up for dinner." Dean straightened up and passed through the door before Castiel could think of a logical reason for him to stay. 

He frowned to himself, annoyed with his brother for - albeit unknowingly - taking Dean away from him. His frustrations didn't last long before his body's insistence won out over his mind and he shortly tumbled back into sleep. Dean woke him a few hours later with dinner, sitting in bed with him to eat it. As soon as they had finished, Castiel curled back into the blankets, and he was asleep before Dean could return from the kitchen.

\- - -

In the morning, Castiel woke to a warm rush of pleasure and a stripe up his bare chest that was inexplicably cold. He grunted with the effort it took to try and sit up, but a firm hand pressed him back to the bed and trailed down his side to rub over the jut of Castiel's hip.

"Morning," Dean chuckled, pressing his lips just below the angel's naval. He kissed lower, inching Castiel's boxers down as he went. Castiel shuddered with every touch of lips, his hips rising up to meet him. 

"Dean," he breathed, tipping his head back into the pillow. Dean released the bunched up fabric and moved up to trace Castiel's nipples with his tongue, nipping lightly at the surrounding skin before sucking the nub between his lips. Castiel groaned at Dean's ministrations, reaching out to run a hand through the man's hair, fingers gripping tight as Dean's tongue flicked out again. 

Castiel thrust up with choked-off moan as Dean shifted to straddle his thighs, his swollen cock pushing against Dean's stomach. Heat washed over him as Dean turned his attention to Castiel's other nipple, hips rocking down against his. Castiel pulled him up to press their lips together and Dean let him for a few moments before pulling away again and sliding down Castiel's body. 

Dean's fingers drew hot lines in his skin, drawing goose bumps onto the neglected flesh. He tugged Castiel's boxers over his hips and Castiel inhaled sharply as the cool air hit him.

"Please," he breathed, shivering as Dean's breath ghosted against his sensitive skin. The man pulled Castiel's boxers off entirely, and sat back to remove his own shirt. 

"What do you want me to do?" Dean asked, and Castiel was surprised at how breathless he was. 

"Anything."

"Anything? No special requests?" Dean quirked an eyebrow. 

Castiel met his eyes for a brief moment before turning his head away. There was one thing that had played on his mind for many months, but he was nervous to ask. Things had been good in the past, there was no point in changing them now. Dean turned his chin, forcing Castiel to look at him.

"Babe, I know I'm not exactly experienced in this whole two dudes thing, but if there's anything you want to do," he tipped his chin to kiss Castiel's chest, "just tell me." 

"I-" he paused as Dean slid lower, continuing the line of kisses down to his stomach. 

"You what?" he hummed.

"I want you..."

Dean smirked, shifting far enough that he could mouth at the base of Castiel's cock, drawing a whine from the back of his throat, "I can tell that, what else?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment, focusing on the wet head of Dean's mouth around him, "I want you inside me." His heart raced as Dean froze over him, and he was ready to blurt out a retraction when the man moved again, pressing wet kisses up to the head of his cock. 

"I can do that." 

Dean's lips closed over the tip of him and Castiel's eyes fluttered shut as Dean's tongue circled him. Dean shuffled around, popping the button on his own jeans and shoving them down so he could stroke himself, keeping his touch slow to match the speed of his mouth around Castiel. 

Castiel dragged his fingers up Dean's back, moaning as the man took him all the way in, humming around him as he pulled back slowly. His tongue traced the vein on the underside of his cock and swirled around the head as he pulled off again. Dean looked up at him, catching his gaze, and Castiel was overwhelmed by the unabashed emotion in his eyes, love and lust burning bright. Castiel yanked him up roughly, throwing his arms around Dean's neck as he crushed their lips together. He rolled Dean onto his back and rocked against him, gasping as his cock pushed into the hollow of Dean's hip. Dean's amused chuckled turned into a moan as Castiel's lips sought out the sensitive patch of skin behind his ear that turned made the hunter writhe. 

"Mm, Cas-"

Castiel hummed, sliding one hand from Dean's back to reach between them. He pushed back gently between Dean's legs, dragging his fingers over his balls and massaging gently before wrapping his fingers loosely around Dean's cock. Castiel thrust up against him as his fingers came up to circle the head, his thumb pressing into the slit.

Dean moaned into his mouth, his hips jerking up roughly into Castiel's fist, and the angel bit his bottom lip as he took them both in hand, rocking into his hand in time with Dean's thrusts. Castiel brought his hand up, pushing his fingers through the collected pre-come and smearing it down their lengths to ease the way. The slick slide of Dean alongside him sent sparks shooting up his spine and Castiel gasped as Dean's hand wrapped around them both. 

Without warning, Dean flipped them, burying his free hand in Castiel's wing and moving down the bed, his lips leaving Castiel's to cover his body in heated kisses and love bites. Castiel pulled his knees up on either side of the man's head as Dean squeezed the base of his cock, lowering his lips to tease at the tip. 

" _Dean_ ," Castiel groaned. His hips jumped, but Dean pulled back, stroking up with just his hand. "Dean, oh-" he was cut off as Dean finally took him fully into his mouth and Castiel's fingers reached instinctively for Dean's head, fingers threading through his hair. 

Dean's tongue curled around him as his lips pressed around his length, drawing a breathy moan from Castiel. He could feel Dean's erection pressing hard and wet against his leg and it only served to heighten his arousal when Dean worked his hips, rutting against him. 

Dean pulled away after a minute, spreading Castiel's legs further apart and pressing further between them. Castiel's head rolled back, his back arching as Dean's hand took the place of his mouth, his lips moving down to suck on his balls. Castiel moaned as Dean's tongue and lips worked over him, alternating licking and sucking at the flushed skin. He reached down with one hand, curling his fingers around the head of his own cock and pressed his hips up, surprised by the low growl that pulled from Dean's throat. 

"Oh fuck, that's hot, Cas." Dean pulled up, licking a stripe up the underside of Castiel's cock and straightening to suck at his jaw. "Turn around and get on your knees." Castiel complied, bracing himself against the wall with one arm as he continued to stroke himself. 

The bed shifted and dipped behind him and then Dean's chest pressed against him, hot and already slick with sweat. Dean's cock slid between his cheeks, and when his hands roamed over his back and up along the curve of his wing it was all Castiel could do to keep from crying out. He dropped his head and bit down on his lip, arching back into the touch. Small gasps and groans escaped his lips and Dean breathed hot against his lips, encouraging him. He kissed a line down his back, stopping just above Castiel's ass. 

"Can I try something?" he asked.

Castiel didn't even think before replying, "anything." Dean groaned into his skin and brushed his fingers down Castiel's back, causing the angel to cry out as he arched into it. He sat back on his heels pushing Castiel's cheeks apart and Castiel tensed at the heated breath against his rim. 

"'S okay," Dean hummed, running a soothing hand over the angel's thigh, "just relax." He tried, but the thought of Dean's mouth against him had him so worked up that he had to stop touching himself for fear of coming too soon. He tensed at the first press of lips against his entrance, but then Dean licked a line over the puckered ring and Castiel couldn't hold back the whimper that bubbled up. 

He wouldn't have thought having someone's tongue in his ass would feel that good, but as Dean pressed into him, Castiel was shaking so hard he had to rely on the wall to keep him up. Dean was relentless, pressing into him and pulling Castiel's hips back until he was fucking himself on Dean's tongue. 

"More," he groaned, "Dean, please."

Dean flicked his tongue sharply before kissing a line up to the dip in Castiel's back, "you want me to fuck you, babe?" he nuzzled his face into the joint of Castiel's wing, drawing a sharp cry from him, "want me to show you how good it feels?"

"Yes," Castiel growled, "fuck, yes."

Dean's teeth grazed his neck as the man mumbled, "God, that's hot," and Castiel rolled his eyes. He was about to berate Dean when the man's thumb pressed against his rim and the words died on his lips. A bottle clicked open and shut and then a second finger joined the first, pressing in, cold and slick, with no warning. 

Castiel gasped at the cold, but pressed back onto the digit encouragingly. Dean had teased him enough, and he had been thinking about this for so long. He wanted Dean inside him _now_. Dean worked his finger in and out maddeningly slowly, holding Castiel's hips so he couldn't do anything but let him, grunting out encouragements. 

Castiel dropped his head against the wall, shoving his hips back when Dean inserted a second finger. He groaned loudly, careless of who else might hear him, curling his hands into fists as Dean's hand on his hips relaxed, giving him licence to move freely. The fingers inside him twisted and flexed and Dean pressed flat against his back, sucking his earlobe between his lips. 

"You're so eager," Dean grinned, teasing a third finger around his rim. Castiel tilted his head back, turning to catch Dean's lips in a sloppy kiss.

"Fuck me." 

Dean pushed the third finger in, swallowing Castiel's moan as he pressed into him hard, "fuck, yes" he grunted. Dean thrust his fingers in and Castiel dropped back onto him, panting as he rocked his hips. Dean's fingers brushed against something inside him and it took everything he had not to collapse against the man, his mouth falling open in a silent scream. 

"You like that, babe?"

"Do that again," Castiel panted, pushing back.

"Thought you wanted me to fuck you?"

" _Dean_ ," he whined.

"Alright baby, gimme a sec." 

Castiel growled as Dean pulled away, but he barely had a chance to miss the feeling before the man was back, pressing the blunt head of his cock against Castiel's rim. He breached him slowly, holding the angel's hips again so he couldn't push back, and Castiel's entire body was shaking by the time Dean bottomed out, his cock dripping onto the sheets. 

"You okay?" Dean whispered, one hand smoothing over Castiel's thigh. 

"Yeah, I just-" he shifted his knees, rolling his hips slowly as he adjusted to the intrusion. Impatient gasps fell from Dean's lips with each movement, and as Castiel pressed back a little harder, Dean leaned over him. 

"You feel so fucking good, baby," he kissed Castiel's neck, hot and wet, "so hot," Dean rolled his hips once, and Castiel gasped, " _God_ , so good." 

Castiel pushed back and Dean thrust in hard, biting the skin of Castiel's shoulder and dragging his teeth down as he set up a steady rhythm. He wrapped one arm around Castiel's chest, the other reaching out to grab a handful of feathers. Castiel arched his back, crying out as electricity crackled through him. He was still gasping when Dean ran a finger up his length and he fell forward again, chasing the touch with a desperate thrust. 

He was already so close, and when Dean changed his angle, hitting that bundle f nerves again, Castiel all but collapsed, relying on Dean to keep him up as he rocked against him. 

"Right there," he panted, curling his fingers around the headboard as Dean thrust forward again, "fuck, right-" Castiel cut himself off with a choked-off moan as Dean pounded into him, hitting that spot with each thrust. He barely had time to gasp out, "I'm coming- _fuck_ -" before his cock pulsed and he came with a wordless scream, thrusting forward as he spilled his release into the sheets. 

Behind him, Dean stiffened, his arm wrapping tighter around Castiel's chest, "Oh, fuck," he grunted, biting his neck, "fuck, you're so hot..." he trailed off, mumbling into the angel's ear. Castiel dropped his head onto the man's shoulder, kissing his neck and panting as Dean continued to fuck into him.

"Come for me," he breathed, his lips just barely brushing the underside of Dean's jaw. The man let out a high-pitched moan as he dropped back onto his heels, thrusting up relentlessly. Dean came loud and hard, fingers digging into Castiel's hips as he held him down, rutting into him. 

The air settled around them as they both came down, panting heavily against each other. Castiel pushed himself off Dean, his thighs shaking with the effort of holding himself up, and turned around to straddle his lap. 

"You're amazing," Dean hummed, curling his fingers around the back of Castiel's neck and drawing him in for a kiss. Castiel grinned into the kiss, running his hands down Dean's arms. 

It was a long time before they separated again, and after Dean accidentally brushed the angel's wings and Castiel nearly screamed from oversensitivity, they decided to forego a shower in lieu of a quick clean up. Afterwards, Castiel stayed in the room to change the bedding while Dean scouted the bunker for a spare TV and DVD player. When he returned they settled into bed with a huge stack of movies and a selection of snacks that Dean had 'borrowed' from the kitchen. 

Somewhere around noon, Dean got antsy, deliberately touching Castiel and annoying him until they angel conceded defeat and rolled him onto his back and fucked him into the mattress. 

They spent the following day in much the same way, leaving the bedroom only for food or to do the laundry, and after so much time apart, Castiel didn't ever want to go back to the way things had been.


	13. Update!

Soooo, I woke up this morning to a laptop that won't turn on. Unfortunately, everything I have for the FFG series is on there so up until I get a new laptop and get all my documents transferred, this fic is gonna be on hiatus. Roomie and I are trying to find a new computer ASAP, but due to vancon tickets and such I am super poor. 

I'm sorry to have to put this on hold halfway through, but I promise to give you updates when I find anything out! Thank you all for reading and being so awesome!! <3

Update: I sh be getting a temporary laptop in a week or so, but I have a metric fuck ton of stuff to type out so I don't know when any of it will be posted.

Also, everything I have for the entire Fall From Grace series is on my old laptop and I don't know when I can recover all that yet.

Thanks for being so patient <3


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